By Stephen Graham
I remember my time as a child and my efforts to please and emulate the actions of my dad. Although we were not the same, every effort was made on my part to copy his every action. My dad was a tough act to follow. He was beloved by all the members of the family. He had a true sense of honesty and seemed to know instinctively the right path in life to follow. I knew that I would always fall short in my efforts to copy his very essence. He seemed to never falter when everything around him was falling to pieces. He was a good man in the strictest sense. I always wondered at the fact that while dad was a moral and upright man he could be an immoveable object who refused to give ground to anyone when he knew he was right. My feeling when I was growing up was that my dad, uncles and almost every male figure in the family lived by a code that I had trouble understanding. Dad could be the kindest man on the face of the earth while still being the most stubborn man that I had ever faced.
At his funeral most of the family was torn to bits emotionally. My mother showed her strong side refusing to show most signs of weakness. The men in the family were affected in the most severe fashion. Several of dad's grandsons broke down emotionally and some went into hiding for several weeks. It was next to impossible for me to work. It was all that I could do to even function at minimal capacities. There were people crying and wailing during the service. The preacher offered his take on dad. I remember the words echoing the fact that throughout the turmoil and storms in the family that dad behaved like a rock.He was unshakeable. That was true but I knew that dad had another side to his character. After watching his every action while growing up I knew that he could not be intimidated by anyone. He loved his family more than he could put into words. I knew that if anyone made the mistake of threatening his family they would be sure to live to regret that mistake. He had no fear of anyone. Although he exhibited high moral standing in most areas anyone threatening his family became his achilles heel. He could be forced into situations that could end up badly for his antagonist. I don't know how but everyone survived these encounters.
While moving my mother from one house to another I encountered an old gentleman who had known dad all of his life. In answer to his inquiries I responded that I was his son. The old man had told me of his respect and admiration for my dad and offered his condolences concerning his death. He then added that he believed dad to be the most honest person he had ever met during his long life. Dad was a hard act to follow. I believe that dad came from an era that appreciated and put much faith in the attributes that he exhibited during his life. The only sure thing in life is change.
I married a fine woman and we had children. I had tried to be a role model like my dad had been for me. I had sons. Distractions became a major factor in our relationships. I gave time and effort into my childrens upbringing. I felt that my sons and I did not have the same connection as my father and I had enjoyed. Many factors lead to this distraction. Bad television, peer pressure, alcohol and drugs condoned for use and consumption by our children by outside influences led to a dysfunctional attitude in our family. I could never reach my children concerning their correct moral and ethical behavior on a full time basis. They exhibited great behavior in most instances but always weakness forced them into bad behavior. Viewing the television news and accepting reports of sons killing their families and other hideous acts perpetrated by these kids made me feel lucky. Everyone is doing it. Drugs, alcohol and bad behavior have led to a degradation in our society. Role models are few. Kids sometimes rebel against their parents' wishes. The only hope that we can cling to is time. In time our kids will hopefully understand the life lessons that have been taught to them and will act accordingly. We can only hope that the scriptures in the bible will ring true and that our kids will return to the initial teachings offered by their parents even though they have strayed momentarily from the truth. Time may be our best friend or our worst enemy. Time will tell.
Stephen Graham: Writes articles from life experiences and opinions.
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