Commemorate and Celebrate - Ideas for Developing You Own Ceremonies for Life's Events

Whatever your religion, whether you believe in a god or goddess or are firmly atheist, you will find as you go through life that there are times you want to observe a life changing event. Birth makes many parents think about planning a ceremony. I recently attended a friend’s alternative ceremony which was entitled Circle of Life. The parents wrote and read out poems to the baby and then planted the placenta with a tree on top as we all sang Circle of Life. It was touching and much more memorable than a standard ceremony. I gave the family a hand engraved plaque to place in front of the tree, marking the date and the name of the baby, so as he grew, he’d be reminded that it was his tree.




There are many different things you can do to celebrate your child’s birth. Another couple, Antonia and David, didn’t want to commit their child to a faith before she was old enough to make her own decisions, so planned their own naming ceremony. “We booked a hall for Daisy’s first birthday, and invited friends, family, and all the people we felt were part of Daisy’s community, who would play a part in her life as she grows. We looked up readings that we felt would convey some of our hope for her life, and asked some close friends to be Daisy’s guardians.” You can also hold a thanksgiving in a church, where you are not asked to affirm the Christian faith, but the church family give thanks for the birth of the child and promise to love and support the family as they grow.

Not all ceremonies are celebrations. This was brought home to me particularly when a friend’s baby was stillborn at 30 weeks, and the family wanted to mark the baby’s life. The local vicar was helpful, and together with the parent planned out a very short ceremony, which allowed everyone to express their sadness. Again, planting a tree at a time like this can be a living reminder of the short life.

It’s hard to think straight when there has been a death on the family, and planning a funeral ceremony can be emotional. Remember that what you do is up to you. You don’t have to have a ceremony at all; a professional to lead the ceremony is optional, and you do not have to use a funeral director. You can choose where you hold a ceremony. No planning permission is required if you want to use your own land for the actual burial, or if you have limited space you can choose a natural burial ground. Rather than looking for a plot in an already crowded cemetery, natural burial grounds allow relatives to mark a burial place with a tree, or know that the plot will develop into a wildflower meadow over a number of years. Natural burial grounds often require a cardboard, bamboo or wicker biodegradeable coffin.

There are many reasons why a traditional wedding ceremony doesn’t work for everyone. Whether you are constrained by budget, don’t want to be limited by the traditional framework of a wedding ceremony, or have been frustrated that you cannot get your relationship recognised officially, more and more people are devising their own event. By selecting words, poems and readings that hold a special meaning for you, you can plan a really special day. You may prefer a natural, outdoor venue, but if you want your commitment to have a legal status too, you’ll need to choose a licensed venue for your ceremony or visit your local Register Office.

By Julie Begbie