It's Your Funeral: Why Not Plan It Properly?

Making plans for the future brings mixed feelings. It is right to concentrate on the good things, but sometimes there are things you would rather not think about. A funeral is one of those things. You may not have considered planning a funeral in advance, but there are several reasons why it can bring great peace of mind.




Bereavement usually brings with it emotional and financial burdens. However, you can spare your loved ones much of the burden of having to make difficult decisions at an upsetting time.
The cost of many funerals has more than doubled in the last 10 years, and prices are set to continue to increase in the future.

If you have savings set aside for your funeral, you can never be sure that there will be enough - or you may be setting aside more than you really need to. It makes good sense to guard against unknown price rises.

A prepaid funeral plan is the way to be absolutely certain that the services of the funeral director will be provided and there will be nothing more to pay for these services.

Bereaved relatives usually arrange a funeral and may be unsure what was actually wanted. It helps to do something at times of sadness, but it is not a good time to make important decisions - which, if wrong, cannot be put right later. Planning ahead for your funeral can be a great help in alleviating the emotional and financial burdens that naturally accompany bereavement and those who remain will remember your thoughtfulness.

There is also some quiet satisfaction to be gained from putting your affairs in order and reflecting on the most appropriate arrangements. People worry that their wishes will not be carried out. It is important to realise that any funeral wishes set out in your Will or other letters or documents are only requests. Your executors are under no obligation to carry out your wishes. However, if you own a prepaid funeral plan, your guarantee is with a funeral director and your wishes are set out in your guarantee certificate.

When you pre-arrange your funeral with your pre-paid funeral plan you can:

• Decide on your funeral service and select a suitable arrangement
  
• Settle on a method of payment to match your circumstances
  
• Select who benefits under the plan
  
• Have comfort, reassurance and freedom from worry and stress
  
• Ensure no hidden extras are charged

By Sharon Hurley Hall

Life Insurance: Term or Universal?

Deciding on the wrong life insurance plan might leave a family without financial resources at the worst possible time.

Choosing between term and universal life insurance plans can be confusing. Only with some research and planning can a responsible choice be made.

Do You Even Need Life Insurance?

Before deciding between term and universal coverage, consumers need to determine whether or not life insurance is actually needed.

When you come right down to it, it's a matter of money -- if death would cause a financial burden for the family, then life insurance is critical. Financial matters to be considered include funeral costs, college tuition, and all outstanding and upcoming debts. For single people without children or dependents, life insurance is really optional.





Once you've made the decision to buy life insurance, then it's time to determine which kind of policy is right. This is when you need a reputable insurance agent, referred to you by someone you trust. The agent can help you deal with the details of the various benefits and costs of multiple policy types.

Term Life

Term life insurance policies are among the most flexible and economical types of life insurance coverage available. These policies are designed for those who want basic coverage for a set time period without a savings account built in. This means that there will be no return on the money paid into the policy over the years.

Premium rates for a term life policy vary with the policy. Policies are usually purchased for 10, 15, 20, 25 or 30-year periods, and they may be renewable. Apart from low rates, the variety of term periods is one of the most appealing features.

For instance, a couple with a child entering college who want to ensure that tuition will be paid for in the event of their death, can purchase a term life policy for just those years. There is no reason to purchase a lifetime policy for a short-term need. Term policies with increasing or decreasing coverage are also available.

A disadvantage of term life policies is the inconsistency of their rates. While premium rates start out very low, they usually rise as policyholders age. Also, policyholders who want to renew after the initial term has ended, may find the renewal fees prohibitive.

Universal Life Insurance

Universal life insurance policies will pay any necessary death benefits, but also provide policyholders with an additional tax-deferred savings account advantage. Generally these policies must be held for a minimum of 15 years before resulting in any return from the savings account. They provide policyholders with a stable long-term investment that can be borrowed against or cashed out.

The premium rates and coverage provided by universal life policies remain constant throughout the years. Premium rates tend to be higher than with other policies, largely due to agent commissions, but under some plans the rates drop as the policyholder ages and may even disappear altogether. Unless the policy lapses, there are no renewal fees to contend with.
While some financial experts argue that there are better investment options available for educated consumers, many recognize universal life policies as having sound investment benefits.

By Ron King

From the Dust of the Earth?

Scripture reference- Gen. 2:7 The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.




God formed man from the dust of the earth? Should we believe this statement literally or was the author of Genesis speaking figuratively?

I never really questioned the statement, but I suppose since it’s in the Bible, someone has questioned it at one time.

I personally believe this statement to be a literal fact, one that God proved to my husband and I, in a personal and yet powerful demonstration.

On October 25, 2002 (The day my stillborn daughter was born), my husband Gary followed a nurse as she carried the baby to an infant crib. They then proceeded to give her a sponge bath. Once the baby was clean, they dressed her in a diaper, and the burial clothes I had picked out for her to wear to her funeral.

The nurse then wrapped her up in some blankets and walked toward me holding the baby. She asked me if I wanted to see and hold her.

Reluctant at first (because I knew she had already passed away), I agreed to go ahead and hold her.

As the nurse placed the baby in my arms, my first response was one of relief. The baby was beautiful in my eyes. Her face fully formed with two eyes, a nose and mouth. She appeared to be sleeping with her eyes closed, and a look of peace covered her entire body.

As I lied in the hospital bed studying the newborn’s face, Gary walked over to me and whispered, “Did you smell her?” “No,” I answered. Puzzled he would ask such a question at this time. As I bent over to give her a kiss on the cheek, an unbelievably potent scent coming from her body consumed the air between us. I was shocked and inspired by the smell of her body.

The smell of her body was that of freshly tilled soil from the earth. If you have ever been on a farm or in someone’s yard when they are tilling the land for their crops, then you should have a good idea of the scent I am referring.

As I pondered what I was experiencing, I couldn’t help but remember the words in Genesis how it says that God formed man from the dust of the earth.

My conclusion: Everyone is made in the image of God, but if we don’t have the breath of God passing through our bodies, we are just dirt. I also believe we can safely trust Him to be speaking the truth with every single word that proceeds from His mouth.

By Renae Patterson

Helpful Tips When Burying or Cremating the Remains of Family Member

When an individual passes on, there are many decisions that must be made. One important decision concerns the remains. There are many different options for families of individuals who have died. The two most common ways to handle the remains of a loved one is to purchase a casket and bury them or have their remains cremated.

Generally the most traditional choice is a standard burial in a casket. Many families choose this option because they are able to visit a gravestone and know that their loved one is there. A standard burial is often preferred because the individual is being left alone and is at peace.
Cremation is another choice that many families make. Cremation is when the remains of a deceased individual is converted into ashes. This is a fairly common practice on individuals who may have been severely injured or disfigured in an accident or do not have any family members around to make decisions.

The decision to cremate a loved one is often difficult, but there is also an option that is a combination of the two. Once remains are cremated, there are placed in a urn. A urn is a container that stores the remains. Urns can come in various different styles, decorations, and sizes. There is a urn that is known as a burial urn. A burial urn is a specific urn meant for being buried underground, like traditional caskets. A burial urn is generally made out of specific material that will hold well underground.

Generally when compared to a casket, a urn is considerably cheaper. If a burial urn is used and the individual is buried, you can still have a traditional headstone. There are no set limitations or rules on cremating and burying an individual.

In addition to a burial urn there are other burial options or accessories for a cremation burial. Many funeral homes or casket companies sell a special burial urn vault. The materials used, sizes, and styles will depend on where you plan on purchasing a burial urn vault. These vaults come in different sizes, but they are typically just big enough to hold a standard urn. These burial urn vaults are a protective way for urns to be buried underground. Just like caskets, burial urn vaults are typically decorated with various religious designs or they can even be customized for a family.

The decision to bury a family member is a touch decision to make. There are many tips and resources available for assistance with making this difficult decision. Cremation is a common practice used all around the world. The majority of religions accept and believe in cremation; therefore, it will generally not upset an individualís belief system. Handing the remains of a deceased family member is often a family decision. If the family cannot agree on a specific procedure, a burial urn may be a great idea. A burial urn allows remains to be cremated and buried all at the same time, generally pleasing all remaining family members.

By Harriet Goodrich

Where Can a Funeral Casket be Purchased?

When an individual passes away, they are generally buried in a casket. Funeral caskets can be purchased directly from the casket makers or from a funeral home.

Typically individuals purchase a casket from a funeral home. Funeral homes, also commonly referred to as funeral parlors, are designed to help families cope and arrange a memorial service for their deceased loved one. Depending on the selected funeral home, many offer assistance for all of the planning stages. This may also include selecting a casket.




A funeral home may offer a wide selection of funeral caskets. Many locations will have their selection on hand for viewing or in a catalog display. Depending on the number of caskets available, there is usually a wide selection to choose from. Funeral caskets are made from various different materials. They can also come with many different designs or artwork, if preferred. For example, a casket could have crosses, hearts, angels, or other peaceful or religious ark work carved in. There are also caskets that come with detachable pieces, allowing family members to keep this as a memento.

Funeral caskets are important because they will be seen at memorial services. The deceased individual will be buried in it and it will be the last memory that many friends and family will have of the deceased. Selecting a funeral casket is a decision that many family members must all agree on.

Another common place to purchase a casket is directly from the maker. This is often done if a casket needs to be custom made or personalized. Funeral homes also purchase caskets from the manufacture. Since they will generally purchase a large amount of caskets at one time, they are typically given a wholesale casket price. This means that they will be purchasing their caskets at a price lower than normal. By purchasing a wholesale casket lot, many funeral homes are able to offer their quality caskets a reasonable prices to their customers.

A customized funeral casket directly from the maker will likely have to be ordered in advance. It is not uncommon for individuals to make burial arrangements ahead of time, especially if they are sick. More and more elderly individuals are trying to plan out their funerals and other final expenses. This is done to help relive the financial burden on remaining family members.

Although it is typically common to order a customized casket in advance, there are many casket makers who will rush an order. This feature is nice; however, it will likely cost a large amount of additional money.

No matter when a casket is purchased, there are great deals available on quality funeral caskets. Although it is a difficult decision for family members, there are many who are selecting a casket based solely on price. Thanks to wholesale casket companies, many funeral homes are able to offer their fine caskets at discounted prices. Finding the perfect casket may be expensive, stressful, or time consuming task, but it can be one of the most important decisions in an individualís life.

By Aiken Smith

Hope

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" -anonymous
Hope

As I sat on a plane going to Atlanta, I felt the sadness that has been welling up inside of me thinking about the funeral of my dear niece Sara. I just spoke to her less than a week before on the phone. We actually had a longer than normal conversation, lasting almost a half hour. I detected nothing in her voice to lead me to worry about her. She seemed to be dealing with her life and the recent surgery removing her appendix, and getting back to work. I heard nothing that sounded an alarm. That’s the thing about suicide. There often is no outward sign that something is wrong. I’ve dealt with suicide before. My best friend Bob was the first really close person to me that left this planet by his own hand. I felt helpless then, and I feel helpless now. The difference is that this time, I knew what to do to help, and I still wasn’t able to.

A friend of mine wrote to me after hearing about my niece, telling me that she too had had suicidal thoughts in her past and how she didn’t reach out either. Luckily for her something inside her kept her from completing her attempt. We all have different strengths inside of us. The problem is that sometimes things can feel overwhelming. I certainly have felt that way, but there’s always been something that kept me here.

To anyone that reads this, and ever feels alone and hopeless, know that there is always hope. You may not be able to see it, but reach out for help and someone else will be able to see it for you. Sometimes professionals have limiting beliefs and pass them on to others. Like a doctor that says there’s nothing we can do. The correct wording would be there’s nothing more I know how to do. But don’t give up! Hope is what creates miracles. It’s a belief, that no matter how things look, there can be something done, or something created to change what might be fact or truth as we now know it. Miracles indeed happen every day.

I have to say that suicide is never the answer. I have to think that once the person crosses over, they realize that there was another way, but it’s too late, at least this time. The effect that suicide has is so much more than most people could realize. We affect so many people that if we choose suicide, we never see the wide ripple effect it causes. I was caught in a tidal wave effect when my friend Bob died. I was in tremendous pain. I cried for days. I cried for years. Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life” found out what difference he made to all the people around him. He got a second chance. Unfortunately we don’t usually get that in life. It has to be known, by each of us. Dustin Hoffman in “Hero” found out he made a difference in lives, even though before that his life wasn’t about contributing to others.

We all contribute to others in different ways. I try to contribute to others with my work, my writing, my speaking. But everybody contributes to the world one way or another. We touch many people in our lives. Many we never know about, and of course the ones we do. When suicide is chosen, many more people are affected and hurt that the person could possibly realize. I don’t pretend to have the answers to everyone’s problems, but I do know that they do, and perhaps can’t see them because of their depression.

The key is to reach out to someone. If they don’t have the answer, or aren’t supportive, find someone else that is. There are suicide hotlines all over the country. (1 800 SUICIDE 1 800 784-2433, or 1 800 273-TALK.1 800 273-8255) There are friends, family, ministers, therapists, books, etc. Reach out! Don’t give up! Pray for guidance. Talk to someone, anyone. Let someone know that you are in pain. Hold on. It will get better. That’s a guarantee. Believe me.

What to do when you feel stuck?

One of the first things to do is to slow down and center yourself if you can. Do this by taking a deep breath. Literally take a couple of deep breaths letting them out slowly. Breathing is powerful in calming you down and allowing better thought processes to occur.
Look into someone’s eyes, or if alone, look into a mirror. This eye to eye connection helps also to calm and center you.

Reach out for help. Help is always available and knowing that there is a way out even if you can’t see it is extremely important. Believe that you can be helped and you do deserve help no matter what. Sometimes you’re too close to the picture to be able to see the big picture and therefore the solution to the problem. Einstein said “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” In other words either you have to shift your thinking or have someone else help you to find the solution. Talk to someone that you know will support you, and not add to your stress level. Sometimes a good friend or family member fills this roll. Other times a coach, minister or therapist can offer not only a sympathetic ear, but also techniques and advice to guide you through your challenge. Tell them if you just want them to listen, or if you want them to listen and then offer advice.

Remember you do have your own answers. Sometimes you can’t see them without shifting or having support.

Take a time-out for yourself. Place a little distance between you and your problem. This sometimes is physical distance, other times just closing your eyes and deep breathing, creating a safe space for you to balance yourself. Take a walk. This simple act often allows you to clear your head, and regain your perspective.

Sometimes you need to express yourself. You can do this several ways. Sometimes you can write your feelings down, like in journaling. Putting your thoughts on paper is powerful and often releases them so your mind can clear. Sometimes a guided writing format helps. I use what I call the Soul Letter technique to guide me through the 7 steps of the emotional ladder. I find it helps to keep me balanced in my expression of my feelings and emotions. (See Get Unstuck! Chapter 9)

If writing it’s not a practical solution or it isn’t going to do it at the time, you may want to try blowing off a little steam with some loud expression. This often can be challenging to shout your feelings, and not disturb others. One way to do this is to stack several pillows on a bed or couch and place your head deep into them and shout away! If you’re near nature where there aren’t a lot of people around, you can shout and only the squirrels or seagulls will hear you. Once you’ve expressed yourself, you’ll feel a release and then hopefully you will more balanced.
Whatever combination you use, there is always a way out. Know that there is and you will find it. Now take a deep breath, and face your day!

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." ~Albert Schweitzer~

5 Things to do to help a friend in need.

Friends often reach out for help when they are in need. Here’s what to do when your friend reaches out to you.

First try to calm them down a little by asking them to take a couple of deep breaths. Literally get them to pause for just a moment and breathe. Often times this will bring them more into a balanced state of mind.

The second thing to do is to listen, really listen to them. Sometimes you need to make a “safe space” for them to open up. This can be accomplished by giving them your full attention. Even on the phone, they can sense whether you are giving them only part of your attention. If you’re physically with them, look at them, look in their eyes. Have an empathetic attitude and make sure it reflects in your face. Don’t make any judgments about what you hear. Come from a place of neutrality.

Ask them if they want your advice or if they just want you to listen. Men often make the mistake of trying to “fix” a problem when they see it. That’s why a new problem may be created if advice is offered and not wanted. Sometimes you may have some advice that fits for you, but might not be the best for them. So first ask them what they see as a solution. People have their own answers, but often times are too involved to see them. Other times with a little reflection they will figure out what needs to be done.

If you do offer advice, make sure it is balanced. Sometimes we have our own agenda when we offer advice. It’s always best to frame your advice with something like well if I were in your situation, I might such and such. Remember they are looking for support, but you need to be their balance to help them to see what makes sense to them. Remember that if you say throw the bum out, and they decide they want to stay with him; you are setting yourself up for a problem of your own.

Finally make sure they feel heard. Often that’s the real need they have. You can perception check with them by asking “If I hear you right, you are feeling such and such.” Then see if you are accurate. Once they really feel that they’ve expressed their feelings and emotions and feel heard, the problem will seem handleable. Just knowing that they have support can make them feel better and have hope. Pass this on, you may be saving someone you love.


By John Seeley

Perspective on My Mom's Death and Life

My mom just passed away recently. It was a very quick death; the result of a fast-moving cancer. We had no idea that she was so sick; neither did she. I am thankful, however, that she loved God. I am assured of her salvation. I know that I will see her again someday and that gives me some comfort. But still, I miss her in my life here on earth.




After her funeral, my sister and I began the painful process of going through her things and deciding who would get what. I am grateful that it went smoothly; there were no arguments about who would get her china or jewelry. She had a lot of valuables but mostly it was sentimental items that we wanted. Each one of us, my brother, sister and I, had our own special memories of one thing or another and so it was healing to go through each item and remember.
The best thing about that time, though, was the time we spent with each other, my family and I, remembering. I think my mom probably liked that as she paused in her rejoicing from heaven and watched us. Later, as I told this to a friend, she began to reflect on how important family is; that there really is nothing more valuable than family.

Family really is more important than anything. I thought about my mom and her “valuables” and what she really valued. Before she died, we had a few days to say goodbye as the cancer took over her internal organs. She asked us not to fight when she was dying and I am proud to say that we honored her request. I realize that the most important thing to her, at the end of her life and all through her life, was family.

She loved her family, both immediate and extended, more than anything. Her last days were spent at a hospice facility. What a wonderful place to be at a time like that. She was able to say goodbye to everybody she loved. One by one they came in to her room that looked like her home and she talked with them as they cried. She loved them; they loved her. I have to admit that for me, it was painful to watch her say goodbye so many times. I told my sister and brother that it was like watching her die over and over again. I finally had to leave because I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Well, it wasn’t about me. It was about her. It was her chance to let her family know just how much they meant to her. And she could also see how much she meant to them. That was a blessing to her in her final, painful hours.

She finally died with my sister at her side, just the way she wanted. My sister gave her eulogy and she remarked how each one of us was symbolic of our mom’s mind, body and spirit. My brother’s role was as her mind because he took care of her financial needs. My sister’s role was as her body, because she took care of all her physical needs, such as doctor visits and the like. Finally, my role was as her spirit because we were just so alike. We were so much alike that we fought a lot in this life here on earth. We recognized it, finally, as we both got older and we made peace with each other. But I am, more than the two of them, just like her in spirit. And I am proud to say that I inherited her faith in God and that is what is getting me through the painful process of grieving over her death. It’s hard not to have her with us here on earth but I know that I’ll see her again. I do love you, mom, I’ll see you in heaven!

By Eunice Coughlin

Already Dead (a Short Story)

The Room

She is down, down in the China Cabinet; her insides, ashes, that’s all that is left of her—wood around her, and her, she´s just ashes, that´s it in a nutshell:

“Over there” —I say and point, point and say, not sure which one first: she´s just ashes, “In that China cabinet,” she´s a ghost, I suppose.

I sense she is present, here in this room, in St. Paul, Minnesota, her room, where now I have the china cabinet: I can´t be sure she is present, but I can tell exactly where her presence is. Mike, my brother, “...she talked to me yestertday...” I tell him; I can´t remember exactly what she said, told me, I tell Mike, but that is a lie, I do remember, I just say that: she told me to travel to places my heart desires, now, right now, before it is too late. I think she was saying: a live dog is better than a dead lion.Thus, if I can do it now.

I thank God, have thanked God, several times have thanked God, she had a peaceful death. My wife says, says she had the most peaceful death she had ever seen. I am so grateful to God, to Jesus for this.

“Why doesn’t she go...go Straight to heaven...?” my brother asked me. He—

“Heaven,” I say, I’m looking at the urn, wooden urn, with a butterfly on it, carved in wood, and a statue of Christ on it, carved in wood, I got in Rio de Janeiro a few years ago.

“Why does she want to stay down here?” he asks. Her physical life is over I KNOW, AND Mike is asking stupid questions, I say, not to him to myself (retorical).

I say, “For me, she stayed down here for me:” –chew on that.

—I look for mom in the shadows of he house, when Rosa is asleep: I think I find her ghost, but I know I really dont; I know God has her. Jesus,—Jesus, she believed in Jesus, but I need her around for awhile longer—so tell her, so she hears me, and if she doesn´t Jesus does, and He can get the message to her. I know she hears me, and she´s in the house. She wants to go, but if she does, she returns.

Mike stands up, pauses by the urn, sullen, adrift. My voice is thin, it has been since she died, died, died, I hate that word, but it is appointed to each person, like it or not. And so my voice is thin, thoughts appear to me, ‘I’m Fine She tell me.’ She had a peacefull death; Rosa says so and, and I saw it happen, kind of, for 30-days visiting her in the hospital, and then, then death, it was peaceful. She says: “I’m fine...Ok with it.” She was, but I was not. I suppose I am now, I told Jesus...it was alright to take her, after 30-days of seeing her at the hospital, and—well, she wasn´t getting much better. Rosa says she had a peaceful death, and so she did.

The muscles in my face are sore: sore from crying, grieving, it´s funny how a face can stretch, get contorted when it grieves. Rosa knows my face is sore, I doubt Mike does. He´s pacing the floor now, looks back at the urn—it’s fornoon, a few days after the wake. We were filling out paper work, lots of paperwork when someone dies in America. Insurance, funeral, etc. I can´t really, not really do a thing worthwhile, not a damn thing— wish I could, but I cant, maybe dont want to, what for...Rosa wants me to see a doctor, Doctor Sullwold, at the VA Hospital, depression I think; but I never get depress, that is, I never did, I suppose I am...I suppose I´ve lost my ability to function normally, whatever normal is. Today for me normal is to feel sad, maybe be depressed. Am I suppose to be happy? Some say Christians should celebrate when a loved one dies, but hell with that, I dont, dont, dont want to and wont. I am exhaused now, Mike passes me again, walks to the kitchen, to the bathroom, a bird at the window is watching us, maybe not us, maybe just me....

Mother Calls

This time Rosa is sleeping, clinging to the side of the bed, hitting it now and then, I normally can hear her, when I am up—I can hear it from the living room and dinning room, kind of know she´s all right. Today she is sleeping in the bed, side of the bed and I’m by her side, was by her side, when we went to bed last night, she somehow got on the other side of the bed, the side you can fall off of. It is three weeks now since the wake. My muscles were still sore when I went to bed —they crept into the garage (I assumed later on it was ´they,´not one person): they crept into the garage, which is attached to the house and found a broom, a few brooms, and other wooden handled items, put them together in a nice little circle, leaned them against a wooden cabinet where tools are kept, and lit it on fire, too, they poured gas from one side of the two car garage to our car but the fire did not take hold completly. It was lit now, and Rosa and I were asleep, Rosa on the edge of the bed, the fire went most out, but there were bright ashes left, as if they were looking toward that tool cabinet, and if so it would have found its way to the ceiling and then the whole house (so the Fire Captain confirmed.)

Rosa was woken up, finding (as she opened the bedroom door, 10:15 AM), the house filled with smoke, and the garage likewise, and the brooms scortched, and the ashes, with eyes of fire...she woke me up, and grabbed a wet towel, putting out the fire, and thus, airing out the house and garage.

“Fire, fire,” she had yelled to wake me up. I was in a drift, not sure where I was.

“How the hick did you get up?” I asked.

“Someone woke me up,” she explained. It would had taken only a few more minutes had my wife not been woken, and the house would had burned down. But what voice was it, whoes voice? It was my mother’s voice, or so I believe, who elses? Is what I told her, there was no one else in the house, and I was too deep into sleep to have noticed an earthquake. I said to Rosa,

“It was my mother, do you believe me now?” not that she ever doubted me.

“I never said I didn´t believe you,” she commented.

The Urn

“It still hurts mom!” I told her looking at the urn— I come to this urn every day and tell to you: say, good night, good morning (I think once she told me to throw her ashes over into the river and go on with my life, I think she said that, but then I said, maybe she didnt´t, or maybe that is what I did not want her to say, and added my own little doubt into the equation). I guess that is love. Anyhow, I go on to bed, lay down, wake up, you don´t have to sleep I know. I wonder if She found Earny (her old boyfriend for 40-years, who died 10-years before her).

This grieving process is for the birds, it is like pulling out your guts slowly, slowing pulling-them out and forcing yourself to look at them at the same time.

Afterward Already Dead

I´ve learned life is letting go—as you go from day to day, as you go down hill. IN the valley you got to grab on to the moment, and eat some sweets. And then up yuo go back up the mountain, shoulder and spine, sweat from the braw, step by step, up the hill to new beginnings. It’s all part of life I guess, all three parts. I suppose if there is a secret it is in not getting stuck in any one of the three parts too long. In a way we are already dead, but I suppose we call it: getting ready, but the moment will arrive, ready or not.

The house is quiet now, mom left, she’s with Jesus, I told her I was ready to let go, and so go she did. And I’d, -- I’d see her later, that´s what I told her, she like me, I´m sure have things to do, but it had to be done, I had to let her know it was alright.

By Dennis Siluk

People Finder Pages

Hello, my dear readers who want to find some people or record data.

I have found the website that good for search any people such as old friends, old family members, customers and some records like credit or criminal. You can find address or phone numbers in billions of records data base in a single search to locate anyone, anywhere.




If you want to find people never seen for long time or you think them was pass away, you can search Death record. Census Records is about your ancestors' lives. Search US Census records from 1790-1930. Find your ancestor's year and place of birth, year of marriage, home address, occupation, property information and more. Search more than 550 million names. Background Check

Especially if you moved from your home town and cannot find the lost loves, missing persons, family person with one simple search at People finder pages.

Whenever, if you know a name or last name you can find any people in the United State instantly by accessing the same databases that government and law enforcement agencies use. You can find out if someone is married or has been married. Uncover marriage certificates issued by government agencies.

The People Finder Pages offer the great databases for finding any person in the US.

Deeper Down Deeper in Debt - Funerals

The last goodbye at a funeral leaves you reminiscing about the good times, also leaving a trail of fond memories of the dearly departed. But after a funeral you find that it can also leave a huge debt hanging over your head.

The cost to bury a loved one can run into the thousands for a decent burial? What is a decent burial? What is the difference between decent and not so decent? The mind boggles.

For that extra few bob does the coffin of the decent funeral have a more highly polished finish. Does the deceased have more words said at the service? Well let me tell you a little secret.
Blurred vision/bloodshot eyes hamper the sight of the congregation, with all the crying it is hard to focus on any casket.

Words spoken at the mass are rarely heard. Too many other thoughts overpower the emotional sentiments, and one is worry on how the bill is going to be paid. This is not the day for extravagance; imagine going to the theatre to watch a show but the curtains never open, so what is the point for all that expense.

Decent and the not so decent goodbye Mourners are there to share in your sorrow not to pass judgment on how many brass handles surround the coffin or what hymns are sung.

With not knowing the mechanics behind a funeral, many families find themselves in a financial situation where they are faced with the heartache of trying to make ends meet.

In their time of grief, the best of everything is chosen for their dearly departed which comes at a price that seems affordable at the time, till reality sets in where the departed was the breadwinner.

Life insurance is a necessity while in the land of the living; it can help lighten the load for those left behind after a bereavement

Unfortunately we have all experienced a loss at some time in our lives but should you be unfortunate enough at this present time be going through the experience of losing someone you love, why not call a friend or member of the family to act on your behalf in arranging the funeral? This will be less of a burden for you to cope with, while you adapt yourself in coming to terms with the death

Consider cutting funeral costs byLess brass/save cashHave the service shortened.Funeral cars settle for 1, the hearse.A family get together at the house, no big wake.A small posy says farewell just the same as any wreath.It is how you say goodbye that matters, silent thoughts and memories can give the dearly departed the best send off ever.

By Kacy Carr

Commemorate and Celebrate - Ideas for Developing You Own Ceremonies for Life's Events

Whatever your religion, whether you believe in a god or goddess or are firmly atheist, you will find as you go through life that there are times you want to observe a life changing event. Birth makes many parents think about planning a ceremony. I recently attended a friend’s alternative ceremony which was entitled Circle of Life. The parents wrote and read out poems to the baby and then planted the placenta with a tree on top as we all sang Circle of Life. It was touching and much more memorable than a standard ceremony. I gave the family a hand engraved plaque to place in front of the tree, marking the date and the name of the baby, so as he grew, he’d be reminded that it was his tree.




There are many different things you can do to celebrate your child’s birth. Another couple, Antonia and David, didn’t want to commit their child to a faith before she was old enough to make her own decisions, so planned their own naming ceremony. “We booked a hall for Daisy’s first birthday, and invited friends, family, and all the people we felt were part of Daisy’s community, who would play a part in her life as she grows. We looked up readings that we felt would convey some of our hope for her life, and asked some close friends to be Daisy’s guardians.” You can also hold a thanksgiving in a church, where you are not asked to affirm the Christian faith, but the church family give thanks for the birth of the child and promise to love and support the family as they grow.

Not all ceremonies are celebrations. This was brought home to me particularly when a friend’s baby was stillborn at 30 weeks, and the family wanted to mark the baby’s life. The local vicar was helpful, and together with the parent planned out a very short ceremony, which allowed everyone to express their sadness. Again, planting a tree at a time like this can be a living reminder of the short life.

It’s hard to think straight when there has been a death on the family, and planning a funeral ceremony can be emotional. Remember that what you do is up to you. You don’t have to have a ceremony at all; a professional to lead the ceremony is optional, and you do not have to use a funeral director. You can choose where you hold a ceremony. No planning permission is required if you want to use your own land for the actual burial, or if you have limited space you can choose a natural burial ground. Rather than looking for a plot in an already crowded cemetery, natural burial grounds allow relatives to mark a burial place with a tree, or know that the plot will develop into a wildflower meadow over a number of years. Natural burial grounds often require a cardboard, bamboo or wicker biodegradeable coffin.

There are many reasons why a traditional wedding ceremony doesn’t work for everyone. Whether you are constrained by budget, don’t want to be limited by the traditional framework of a wedding ceremony, or have been frustrated that you cannot get your relationship recognised officially, more and more people are devising their own event. By selecting words, poems and readings that hold a special meaning for you, you can plan a really special day. You may prefer a natural, outdoor venue, but if you want your commitment to have a legal status too, you’ll need to choose a licensed venue for your ceremony or visit your local Register Office.

By Julie Begbie

When You Lose Someone You Love: A Personal Journey Through the Heart of Grief

I heard a shotgun blast. I must have been hit because I was down and felt it in my stomach. I was lying on the ground of a parking lot in the dark scared, hurt and alone, not knowing if I would live or die. It seemed so real, even though it was a dream.

This dream, after my father died, helped me understand the shock and physical hurt I was going through. I had never experienced the loss of someone I loved and it hit me in the gut. It was as if a part of me had died. And it had. Especially the part of me who reserved things like “dying” for other families, not mine.

I was alone in the uncharted territory of grief. I wasn’t interested in watching television or reading a novel.

Interestingly, I enjoyed playing the piano, as unpracticed as I was. Usually I’d be too busy to sit down and play; but now time didn’t seem to matter. I remember calling a friend whose husband said she was kayaking and would be spending the night camping on an island. I wondered if I would ever get out there again, back into the world. It was as if I was suspended in an altered state of being.

I couldn’t write about my father’s death for a long time. To write about something gives me distance; it keeps me in my head. As long as I didn’t write about my father dying, there was no distance. It was still happening in me. Like in my dream, I needed to stay in my body; to feel the loss in my flesh and blood – my bones.

I soon began to receive and experience the incredible healing power of love. It came mysteriously; it was an honest outpouring from the people who surrounded me, wrote letters and called. One expression of sympathy I will always remember came from my friend Diana who lost her mother to breast cancer when she was a teenager. Soon after we returned home from Dad’s funeral there was a knock at the door. There, Diana stood holding the most beautiful bouquet of flowers: delphiniums, sunflowers and zinnias. She put her hand over her heart and said two words, “My mother.” We didn’t need to talk. I knew she was telling me about the love that lives on.

Another friend called.

Ann said “I want to take you to lunch. I will never forget when my father died.”

It didn’t matter that Ann was in her 80’s or that she had lost two husbands after long 30-year marriages. It didn’t matter how many years had passed since her dad had died. She knew how I was feeling and wanted to share this time with me.

During this time, my tears would come as easily as the memories of Dad. I believe tears are like holy water. They flow from the well of our hearts, where we hold our feelings. I stayed with my sadness. I shared it with others and received great comfort because they too have had sadness.

My mother said she gardened with her grief. Her yard was never more beautiful than the year my father died. This time of grieving, as it gradually left my body, gave me a new way of living; it became my traveling companion as I lived more compassionately. I learned that our sadness ennobles us as humans. It means we have loved deeply. It is this love that will never die. I wrote about this in a poem the summer after my Dad died.

MY FATHER

I think I am letting him go.It is not that my love is diminishedor that I miss him less.

It is only that the sun is upand there is no milk in the refrigeratorand the bunny got outof the cageand is eating my red geraniums.

I think I am letting him go.But sometimes at nightbefore I go to sleepI feel the tearsfill up my eyesand run down my cheeks.

I do not think I will everlet him go.But he is gone.

By Susan Florence

Funerary Bagpiping: a Guide for Ceremonial Bagpipers

Funerals are often highly emotionally charged events. Especially when children, friends, or family are involved, you must to be able to maintain sufficient clinical detachment to get the job done, or else get someone else to pipe for you. I always try to have the first couple of bars of the next tune running through my mind before my cue to strike in. Find a spot in the distance to visually focus on, concentrate on your tune, and focus on steady, rhythmic timing, to the exclusion of all other sights and sounds. More than any other, you should know you’re funerary repertoire so well that you can play them in your sleep.

Make absolutely sure of your location. Don’t blithely trust the funeral home, and don’t trust driving-direction map web sites. I’ve looked up an obscure cemetery on the Internet, knew the directions given were incorrect, and did some more checking. At the appointed time I was at graveside; the hearse and limousine ended up in front of an antique store downtown. Make sure that you allow yourself plenty of time to negotiate traffic, road construction, lane closures, accidents, detours, etc., and still arrive with plenty of time to tune up and get ready. Most cemeteries will have a marquee at the main entrance and signposts with the decedent’s name directing you to the gravesite. I know of one that’s color-coded (“Smith: blue”, with blue arrows for the Smith funeral). Some municipal cemeteries might not have anything at all. If there’s no signage and no office or caretaker, look for the guys with a backhoe; they’ll know who’s being interred where today.

If you’re piping at a National cemetery, they are often very busy and working on strict timelines. You may be restricted to one or possibly two tunes; no twenty minute piobaireachds. Check in at the main gate; they can tell you where your funeral cortège will form up. You can ask to be allowed to precede the cortège to join the honor guard at the site; maybe they’ll let you, maybe they won’t. Tune up as best as you can at the main entrance, because you’ll have no chance to do so on site. Tune to a “cold” reed; so that when you first strike in you’re in tune with no warm-up. Clear the area as soon as possible afterwards, as there’s usually another funeral cortège lined up ready and waiting to go right behind yours.

Dress like you’re going to a funeral. Brush your coat, shine your shoes, and polish your brass. The funeral director and their associates will all be in coats and ties, the officiant will be in a coat and tie (or collar), most if not all of the male mourners will be in coats and ties. Shirtsleeves will be interpreted by many (quite possibly including the family) as indicative of a lack of respect. The funeral director will most certainly see it this way, and when it comes to opportunities for repeat business, you can bet that they will take that into account. If it’s a long drive to the cemetery or church, consider wearing a pair of shorts and put on your kilt upon arrival; your pleats will be much more presentable. Don’t wear a Prince Charlie & bow tie unless the rest of the funeral party is in tuxedos and evening gowns.

Remember; absolutely nobody in the funeral party wants to hear you tune; you must be as fully tuned up as you ever will be well before the flower car arrives. Tune up in the environment where you will be playing, after your pipes have had a chance to acclimate. Here in Florida, the heat and humidity outdoors will sharpen the heck out of my chanter, so there’s no sense even trying to tune until it’s reached ambient temperature. Obviously, you need to get to the gravesite with plenty enough time for this to occur; driving to the cemetery with the A/C off and the windows down helps speed this process. Tune quickly to a “cold” reed; essentially mimicking the conditions under which you will play. If you warm up with a few sets first before tuning and then set your pipes aside to await your cue, your drones will be very sharp to your chanter when you strike in to perform before your audience. Try to avoid playing inside an air-conditioned church and then again outside at the gravesite; the radical change in temperature and humidity will positively wreck your tuning. When I play a Catholic church service where I won’t be invited to pipe during mass, I pipe the casket in from the hearse, then my pipes and I sit outside on a bench until mass is over, when I pipe the casket back out again. Yes, it’s hot, but at least my pipes are still relatively in tune.

If I'm contracted to pipe, I pipe; rain or shine. If it was considered important enough by the family to arrange for a piper at the graveside, it should damn well be important enough to me to ensure that their loved one is properly memorialized in accordance to their wishes to the best of my ability, regardless of weather. I oil my drones twice a year and use only waxed hemp; my tuning slides have a layer of Teflon tape over the hemp as well. I play them almost every day (if nothing else it keeps the moisture content of the wood stable) and I've never had a joint swell or lock up on me. I use a polypenco chanter on rainy days; cane chanter reeds can go quite flat in a heavy rain, so you may have to screw it in accordingly. If I lived in an area where playing in the rain was more frequently an issue, I’d consider a plastic Clanrye chanter reed for my wet weather chanter; what they lack in tone would be more than compensated for in this situation by stable tuning. You may also need to open up your drone reeds a bit, as they may tend to shut off in the rain, especially inverted bass reeds. A good Inverness coat is an absolute necessity; for standing in the mud I wear a pair of cheap (but well polished) second-hand thrift-store wingtips instead of my expensive bulled-up ghillies, and rather than risk one of my expensive tailor-made wool kilts I've a cheap EBay “foul weather” kilt to wear on nasty days outdoors (they can only see a flash of the apron when wearing a greatcoat anyway). Towel off your drones once you’re back in the car, and thoroughly swab out and dry off everything when you get home, then leave everything disassembled to air-dry. If you’ve a zipper bag, open it up, and remove any water trap or moisture control gear. Do not under any circumstances use a hair dryer or heater to quickly dry your pipes; the rapid change in moisture content and temperature will result in uneven forces of expansion and contraction that can split your drones into kindling! Hang up your kilt & jacket to air-dry thoroughly before putting them away; putting them in a dark closet even slightly damp is a sure-fire recipe for mold.

When it’s not raining it’s very hot here; uncover, leave your coat off until the last minute, stay in the shade as much as possible, and keep well hydrated. I look for a spot about 20-30 paces away from the gravesite at about a 45o angle from the mourners where I can be plainly seen, preferably to the opposite side of the lectern (if any), and preferably under the shade of a tree. Don’t stand behind the mourners, or on the far side of the casket. Always play facing the casket and funeral party.

Once you’ve scouted your position, wait where you can see the entrance and keep a sharp eye out; around here the first vehicle you see will usually be a flower car/service car/van carrying the flowers, usually preceding the funeral cortège by (hopefully) at least 5-10 minutes. Now’s the time to put on your coat, straighten your tie, and get in position. From this moment onward, you are actively engaged in one of the must solemn events in a family’s life; the final farewell to someone’s beloved child, parent, sister or brother. Whatever you do in the next fifteen or twenty minutes those family members will remember for years to come; you’ve got just one chance to get it right. Respect, courtesy, and consideration must be reflected in every aspect of your speech, demeanor, and deportment from the very first moment you sight the funeral cortège entering the cemetery until you’re in your alone in car and well past it’s gates on your journey home, or you simply don’t belong there.

In this part of the country, the first car to pull in is almost always the “lead car”; a sedan with an amber light bar on top, carrying the funeral director and possibly the clergy. When there’s no lead car, the first one in the procession will be the hearse. I stand by the roadside at attention, a couple of yards towards the entrance to the cemetery from the cemetery truck (the cart for the casket, where the back of the hearse will stop), and lower my drones as the hearse passes (keep an eye out for the cortège taking a route through the cemetery you didn’t expect, and adapt accordingly. An American hearse is about 21 feet long, and they’ll avoid making sharp turns). If the hearse is flying American flags and/or the casket is draped in an American flag, place your hand over your heart as it passes. The immediate family will be directly behind the hearse in the limousine and will plainly see whether or not you render proper respect.

Immediately go over and briefly coordinate with the officiant. All they want to know is what you’re going to play and when. Whenever possible, I use liturgical names for tunes; for instance, “Go Silent Friend” instead of “Danny Boy”. Semantics, I know, but it makes ministers and particularly priests happy; people with whom I’d like to foster a good working relationship; again, it’s a matter of respect. On some occasions, it may help to ensure that the family’s wishes are carried out without some ecclesiastic debate over what constitutes “proper” liturgical music. I ask the officiant, when they have completed their committal service, to please turn and nod to me when they’re ready for the hymn (like it or not, usually “Amazing Grace”). Remember; you’re probably out of earshot and won’t be able to hear when the benediction’s over, so you’ll need a visual cue of some sort. I ask the funeral director to do precisely the same thing, just in case. Funeral or wedding, playing solo is different than playing in a band. Always start off on the first note of the tune; do not sound an E “pick-up” note like you do in a band setting. Also, funerary marches are played much slower than normal, about 60 beats per minute, so take care not to rush and run away with it.

My typical funeral service starts immediately as the funeral party exits their vehicles with a processional to the gravesite, usually a lament. If the gravesite is any distance from the hearse, I’ll usually lead the casket and pallbearers, detouring off to my pre-selected site once I reach the graveside. The casket will be rolled or carried feet first, and set with the feet towards the east. On a mechanical lowering device, you’ll see a stop at one end of the rollers; that’s where the foot goes, and the casket will be loaded from the other end. Once reaching the gravesite, try to keep watch out of the corner of your eye, and plan your route to stay out of the way of the casket team. Practice slow marching to tunes like “Going Home” or “Foggy Dew” (“I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say”); not only does it add an air of formality and ceremony; it’ll help you maintain the proper tempo. However, if it’s raining or they’re carrying a particularly heavy casket, walk, or you’re likely to be bypassed or run over. Similar to weddings, practice cutting a processional short with a proper dénouement so the officiant can get on with the service once everyone’s seated. I usually remain at pipes up, watching the officiant carefully for signs that they’re about to conclude their service. Pay attention; do not under any circumstances miss your cue!
If the casket is flag draped and they haven’t an honor guard, I offer beforehand to pipe “Taps” for them. I ask the funeral director to have their attendants raise the flag over the casket, at attention with eyes front. When the flag comes taut, that’s my visual cue to pipe “Taps”. This is almost invariably the very last part of the committal ceremony, after the service and hymn (if any). I personally think “Taps” sounds best piped very simply with a minimum of embellishment; no need to guild the lily. Also, the way you may of heard it in the movies isn’t the way it’s played in the military; practice matching the timing of a recording of a military bugler. If I’ve not been asked to pipe a retreat or recessional, I come to pipes down and parade rest, and remain until the funeral party has begun to disperse; do not race off and jump in your car. If the family and not the funeral home contracted me, I do my best not to let the funeral director get away without some of my business cards in their pocket.

By Emmet Bondurant

A Guide to Casket Stores

For decades, most people bought caskets from funeral parlors, but there has been a huge increase in the number of casket stores in recent years. The advent of the Internet has enabled many casket stores to sell caskets online. Purchasing a casket online is a good way to get a great deal and to bypass buying a casket from a funeral home.




Many people buy caskets from funeral homes because it is easier than going somewhere else to buy the casket. They figure that since the funeral home is taking care of all of the other arrangements, they can take care of the casket as well. What they don’t realize is that funeral parlors usually sell caskets for much higher prices than casket stores. Casket stores provide good deals on the same caskets sold by funeral homes. Casket stores often sell nothing but caskets and do not have to raise prices to compensate for other area of business that may be under performing.

Online casket stores are another great option. Online sellers often have a wide variety of caskets made from all different materials, ranging from oak to bronze. Since the online casket selling market is so big, sellers often offer their caskets at huge discounts in order to remain competitive. Since it vital that the casket arrive in time for the funeral service, many online casket dealers offer free same day or next day casket delivery to insure that it arrives on time.

Casket stores provide a great alternative to purchasing caskets from funeral parlors. Casket stores offer a wide selection of caskets made from many different materials at a fraction of the cost that many funeral homes charge. People who don’t want to go to a casket store or buy from a funeral home have the option of purchasing one online.

By Thomas Morva

A Guide to Discount Caskets

Caskets are often the most expensive part of a funeral. The average casket costs around $2000, and some models can cost well over $10,000. Many people assume that all caskets are expensive and do not seek out bargains, but discount caskets are actually fairly common. It is usually a good idea to find a casket dealer rather than buy one from the funeral home.




Discount casket dealers, both in stores and online, have the same selection of caskets as a funeral home at a much lower cost. There are a variety of ways to find discount caskets. It is possible to find companies that offer caskets from a variety of manufacturers at wholesale prices al of the time. Some casket dealers have sales on older models in order to maker room for newer types of caskets. It is also a good idea to try to buy caskets directly from the manufacturer. Each of these options offers the opportunity for huge savings.

Companies that sell large quantities of caskets are able to sell them at a reduced price. Casket wholesale stores have many of the same caskets found in funeral parlors at a greatly lower price. Caskets made of a variety of materials, from maple to steel, are available at these stores and websites.

Many casket dealers will put older models on sale to clear them out and make room for the newer caskets. These older models are in perfectly good shape and are quality products. Casket dealers may also offer discounts on top of the line caskets because the suggested retail price is too high for most buyers. These discount caskets provide luxury and style at a fraction of the original price.

It is often possible to buy caskets directly from the manufacturers. This is a good way to avoid the markup that many casket dealers and funeral homes may charge.

Purchasing discount caskets is a good way to make the cost of a funeral more manageable. Discount caskets provide the same quality as more expensive caskets at a greatly reduced cost.

By Thomas Morva

Defeat Fear of Death

Fear of death is the fear of dying or of dead things. The medical or scientific name for this fear is Necrophobia. This is an astonishingly common phobia with millions of sufferer’s world wide. It is an impractical and unreasonable fear, no one wants to die but we can not allow ourselves to be overcome with this fear and not live our lives to the fullest. There is nothing we can do about death, it is inevitable, and as such the fear of death is of no value to us.




There are many kinds of phobia, fears and anxieties, but the fear of death is particularly troublesome so millions of people world wide. Fear of death has been treated successfully in the past and you will be able to overcome your anxieties and fear of death.

The only realistic fear related to death would be to be afraid of dying from things we can avoid, such as lions, tigers, or war. We can prepare and make plans to avoid such things, to increase the time we have left on this planet. We must live out each day free from the fear of death but still plan to avoid the factors that we can control.

This danger avoidance helps us to prepare and make plans so that we are not currently in any danger. This can be achieved by learning how to swim to help avoid drowning (which of course is a cause of death) and to make to further prepare to learn to avoid or minimize other dangers. Another example of this would be to wear our seatbelt while driving to reduce the risk of injury or death if we are involved in an accident.

Death is a natural part of life, and we must remember that all things will die one day. We can prepare ourselves spiritually for death. This can be formal such as going to church, or other religious temple, or as simple as meditation or simply being a good person

It is also quite common to have regrets when we die. We can do many things other than to simply have a fear of death to prepare for it, and to reduce the pain of our friends and family when that day comes. Paying our bills, making sure we have insurance to cover our funeral, planning our funeral, these are all things that will reduce the stress and anxiety of others. Each day we can do good things to make our life more meaningful and give us a sense of purpose.

Life is a journey, we are part of this world, but it is not our home. We are like adventurers simply passing through the world as part of our journey through eternity. Making the most of each day is the best thing you can do to get the most out of your life and to feel at peace with yourself.

Stop worrying and start living! Life is short, and tomorrow is uncertain, so make the most of each day, take time to smell the roses, and have no fear of death.

By Kerry Emrich

Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition

Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in High School? Death is a tough subject to broach, and many would rather deny death then embrace it. Someone once said, "...There are only two guarantees in life: Death and Taxes." How true is this phrase? It is normally when we are faced with the imminence of dying or death that we only begin making plans or arrangements for our transition.

Having firsthand knowledge, it is very difficult to experience the physical death or passing of a loved one. It is even more taxing when you are subjected to last-minute funeral arrangements when physical death does occur.

To gain better insight in dealing with death, and to establish a better understanding of death altogether, I present the following:

I personally don't like the word "death" myself; so I prefer to call it "transition." While it is vital to focus on our living it is equally important to focus on our physical departure as well. We often view this passing as a permanent end to life. And, in all actuality, physical death after physical life is imminent. Like everything in nature, the cycle of physical life begins with physical birth and ends with physical death. Our earthly bodies are merely shells that provide housing to our living energy. Because energy is neither created, nor destroyed, it can only transform. So, in retrospect, physical death is the death of the physical being, but never the inner being, or soul. This is what I refer to as the "transition."

That being said, we now redirect our attention to our transition plans. I never quite realized the meticulous details that surround death's event. Funerals just don't "happen." They take planning, organization and a great deal of in-depth research and modus operandi. Just as painstakingly, we pre-arrange parties, receptions, births, and weddings. Of course, the aforementioned are much easier with which to deal. They are "living" and "vital" events, so we don't mind contending with them. But mention the word, "death," and suddenly, we shy away from it. We shelter ourselves from the reality of death as long as we can because we fear it.
Through my own experience, I've learned that the best way to deal with physical death is to embrace it. After all, it is a natural occurrence in human life. We cannot choose "Option C," when we only have options A and B. Below our some common excuses people use with regard to funerals:

• "But I'm not dying - why should I plan for death?"
  
• "I'm too young to worry about that kind of stuff..."
  
• "It won't be a big deal, I'm getting cremated anyway..."
  
• "I've got my whole life to live. Who cares about funerals now?"
  
• "Why should I worry about planning a funeral now? I need to focus on living instead..."
  
• "How can you even ask such a thing?"

Really, the above answers are an all-too-common means of running away from death. It is much easier to remain in denial. The truth is that anyone can die at any given moment - death is not picky. And remember, when - not if-- our physical death does happen, we leave behind our legacies, our coworkers, families, friends and even our pets. Have we thought about them? Of course we have. We love the people and living creatures that are part of our lives. And the thought of being without them can be heartbreaking. The imprints we leave with them create a lasting and loving impression. The last thing we want our friends and family to do during our transition is to plan our individual funerals for us. Preplanning our funerals eases the financial and emotional burden on our family members and is one of life's greatest virtues we can bestow (upon our families).

Funeral Arrangements are an Individual Choice

Ask yourself the following Questions:

• What will you wear?
  
• Cemetary or Mausoleum?
  
• Cremation?
  
• If you choose to be cremated, would you like your ashes placed in an urn or scattered?
  Embalmment?
  
• Church Services or Funeral Home Services?
  
• Do you wish to donate your body to those in need medically; scientific research, etc?
  
• Do you know what type of vault and casket you'd like?
  
• Do you prefer a viewing and/or funeral motorcade procession?
  
• Would you like someone to sing at your funeral?
  
• If you're an Armed Forces Veteran, do you wish to be buried in a National or local cemetery? Would you like full Veteran burial?

These are just a few, detailed questions you will need to ask yourself when planning your funeral. Next items to research are cost. Remember that funerals can be as simple or elaborate as you wish - but do you have adequate life insurance to cover the cost? According to the National Funeral Directors Association (www.nfda.org/NFDA), 98% of American funeral homes offer preplanning options to families; and three ways individuals can prepay a funeral are:

1. A licensed funeral director can establish a regulated trust.
   
2. A life-insurance policy can be purchased, equal to the value of the funeral.
   
3. Individuals can establish a savings or certificate of deposit account earmarked for funeral expenses. The account can be designated as "payable on death" (POD) to the funeral home.
   

In addition to prepayment, the NFDA offers invaluable insight with their "Bill of Rights for Funeral Preplanning." See their guidelines below:

• "An ethical and reputable NFDA funeral home will ensure the following rights and protections:
  
• Provide you with detailed price lists of goods and services before you make your selections.
  Provide to you, at the conclusion of the funeral arrangement conference, a written
• statement listing all of the goods and services you have purchased and the price.
  Give you a written preneed funeral contract explaining, in plain language, your rights and obligations.
  
• Guarantee in the contract, that if any of the goods or services you have selected are not available at the time of need, goods and services of equal or greater value will be substituted at no extra cost.
  
• Explain in the contract the geographical boundaries of the funeral home's service area and under what circumstances you can transfer the preneed contract to another funeral home if you were to relocate, or if the death were to occur outside of the service area.
  State in the contract where and how much of the funds you pay will be deposited until the funeral is provided.
  
• Explain in the contract who will be responsible for paying taxes on any income or interest generated by the preneed funds that are invested.
  
• Inform you in the contract whether, and to what extent, the funeral home will guarantee the price of goods and services you are purchasing. If the prices are not guaranteed, the contract will explain who is responsible for any additional amounts that may be due at the time of the funeral.
  
• Explain in the contract whether and under what circumstances you may cancel your preneed contract and how much of the funds you paid will be refunded.
  

Because death, or transition, is inevitable it is our responsibility to make arrangements for our funerals before they occur. Though sometimes, a daunting task, preplanning our transition can be an enlightening experience that enables us to appreciate life that much more. Don't wait until it's too late.

By CarolAnn Bailey-Lloyd

How to Choose the Right Casket

Shopping for caskets can be trying and difficult. When people find themselves shopping for caskets, they are usually filled with grief and sadness, and the wide selection of caskets can be overwhelming. Burial caskets and funeral caskets are available in a wide variety of materials ranging from wood to gold. There are an endless number of designs available for caskets as well. They can be simple solid colors or can be covered with elaborate decorations and paintings.
In addition to their time of grief, buyers must also contend with the deceptive policies of many funeral homes.




It is not uncommon for funeral homes to tell people about their more expensive caskets first and then give shoppers other options only at their request. Research shows that people usually buy the middle priced casket of the first three they are offered. Many people are also afraid of appearing cheap if they ask to see the less expensive models. It is a good idea that shoppers familiarize themselves with the Federal Trade Commissions Funeral Rule before buying a casket. This rule states the various restrictions that keep funeral homes from taking advantage of grieving casket buyers.

Once people are sure they are not being taken advantage of, they are free to choose the casket that best suits their needs. They need to decide whether they want an open funeral casket that displays the deceased during the memorial service. Funeral caskets often have two hinged doors that allow the torso of the deceased to be visible during the service. Burial caskets usually only have one hinged door that runs the length of the casket. Usually, either type of casket is suitable for burial, but some funeral caskets are not suitable for burial and are merely rented for the funeral service.

Buying caskets is a challenging ordeal that always comes during trying circumstances, and it can be a tremendous help to be informed about options and price ranges beforehand.

Caskets Info provides detailed information about discount, hardwood, bronze, golden, and glass caskets, as well as casket stores, and more. Caskets Info is affiliated with Original Content.

By Thomas Morva

When's Sarah Coming Home? Helping Your Child Understand Death

For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his morning song, a child experiences profound and lasting loss for the first time in their young lives.
Children want and need to know about death, yet we are often reluctant — even squeamish — when talking about it. Conversations with kids about death can be extremely difficult, but they are so important. Helping children understand the death of their pet may arm them with the skills they need to cope and grieve effectively when someone they love dies. Everyone experiences a sense of shock when death occurs, and this is especially true for children. They have no prior experience, and usually no information to help them comprehend what "dead forever" means.

Death and grief are extremely difficult human emotions, therefore, there is no right or wrong way to deal with death. As adults, our reactions to death are a product of societal attitudes and the beliefs and culture of the family from which we came.

When a family member dies, children express their grief differently depending on their age. An infant may become irritable and fussy. A pre-schooler lives in a magical world, so death isn’t permanent for them. They may alternate between seeing death as temporary and reversible to understanding that death is forever. Children ages six to 12 have a more mature understanding of death and teenagers have an adult understanding of death, but has fewer coping skills.

Let’s look at Justin’s first experience with death:

Justin’s is 5 years old and lives with his mom and dad and brand new sister Sarah. One morning, Justin wakes up to mom’s tears and runs to Sarah’s room to find mommy and daddy crying. Daddy ushers Justin out of the room and tells him quietly that Sarah isn’t going to wake up today.

Justin is scared and confused. Justin has never seen Daddy cry. Dad is his hero. He makes Justin feel safe. What could be so horrible that it would make Daddy cry? Daddy spends the morning talking to Justin while mom and Grandma Jane go in and out of the house, crying and Sarah is taken away by strange people that Justin does not know.

After lunch, Justin goes to Sarah’s room to look for her. They always take an afternoon nap together. But Sarah isn’t there. “When will Sarah be home?” Justin asks his daddy. Daddy holds Justin as he tells him “Sarah won’t be coming home, honey, Sarah has died. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. We’re all so very sad. Why don’t we sit together and remember some of the funny things she used to do.” Justin turns his blue eyes to look at Daddy “No, it’s okay Daddy. She’ll be home later.”

As the days go on from the time of Sarah’s death, mom and dad are caught up in funeral preparations and Justin continues in his insistence that his sister will come home. As family gathers and the days get closer to the services his parents remain with growing concern for his belief.

Parents should be aware of normal childhood responses to a death in the family. It is normal during the weeks following the death for some children to feel immediate grief or persist in the belief that the family member is still alive. But long-term denial of the death or avoidance of grief is unhealthy and can later surface in more severe problems.

Once children accept the death, they are likely to display their feelings of sadness on and off over a long period of time, and often at unexpected moments. The surviving relatives should spend as much time as possible with the child, making it clear that the child has permission to show his or her feelings openly or freely.

Parents with children experiencing grief should:

• Provide age-appropriate information regarding the loss
  
• Give the child space for them to emote. (Encouragement to discuss his or her innermost fantasies, fears, thoughts, and feelings.)
  
• Be aware of their own emotional availability: Your child needs someone who will listen. Reach our for support from others if you are unable to provide that support to your child at this time.
  

Warning signs include:

• changes in sleep, appetite, school performance, or social interaction
  
• verbal/non-verbal messages of wanting to join the deceased (drawings, behaviors, or statements)
  

Keep In Mind: Children need to be assured that death is not the end—that love never dies. Just because the person is no longer living, doesn't mean we don't still love them. You are the expert of your child and always reach for assistance from a professional if you have any questions.


Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.

Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the “Keep ‘Em Off My Couch” blog, provides real simple answers for solving life’s biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com

You Have to Show Up: On Small Miracles (Okay, maybe not so small)

I hadn't intended to go to my cousin's funeral.

That sounds terrible, I know. And if I had chosen to focus on the 18 year estrangement of various factions of my family from each other and my own 15 year estrangement from my uncles (hey, Greeks are a war-like people, what can I say?), I could have patted myself on the back for the fact that I had gone to the wake and let it go at that.

But if you knew the littlest thing about me, you would know that I recognize an inner dragon when I see one. And, once I see one, I have to slay it. It's a sacred covenant I have with myself.

And, should I get tempted to walk away from a soul-defining battle, I have some very powerful people watching my back. Powerful people who won't let me slack off. Powerful people who say just what I need to hear to remind me of how powerful love is and the miracles that can unfold when we Show Up.




To prepare to attend the wake, I visited with my dear friend and spiritual Rock of Gibraltar, Mike Schwass, (http://www.dontblamethegame.com). He shared with me some of the last conversation he had with his dear friend, Blackhawk's Keith Magnuson a month before he died.

You have to show up. Just your presence can be so powerful. You have to show up.

Mike has a way of planting seeds in my head that grow...and grow...and grow. Guru-types are like that.

This brought me to a lesson from an anonymous reader at my blog this week:

You can criticize or you can educate.

"Anonymous reader" chose to criticize my falling prey to a pervasive myth on Chinese calligraphy interpretation but never gave the slightest clue to how I could correct my path. All I got was, "sorry, you are wrong, seeya."

Thankfully I am naturally inquisitive, so I was inspired to do research and enjoyed learning more. However, I could just as easily been hurt, embarrassed and defensive at being publicly defrocked as my unwitting blunder was exposed to my readers.

But since I also believe everyone is a Buddha here to teach me something I paid attention to what was really happening here.

You can criticize or you can educate.

The biggest reason I was going to avoid the funeral was due to my own belief that everyone in my family was going to do it wrong. That it would be a fiasco. That my grudge-holding family, in the midst of chaos and tragedy would just pour fresh gasoline on fires which had been smoldering for 18 years and I didn't want any part of it.

No, I just wanted to sit in the woods and meditate and not be soiled by the whole thing. Not be irritated. Tempted to jump into the fray. Resurrect my Greek Evil Eye.

You have to show up (you big weenie).

The truth is I did know how to show up. Sure, there is something familiar about being pissed at my family. It's just so easy. And, face it, anger is energizing. Gossip has a certain seduction to it. There's momentum. Criticism is so easy.

But love is more powerful.

Yes, it's a harder place to hold. It takes work. It takes a conscious conviction to stand for love when there are so many temptations to blame, to judge, to criticize. It's easier to walk away.

It's easy to walk away until you realize that your very integrity is on the line. I'm either walking the talk or I'm not. I'm either adding to the love or I'm adding to the pain. I'm either criticizing or educating.

You have to show up. Just your presence can be so powerful. You have to show up.

I showed up.

I'm here to tell you that my 15 year estrangement from my uncles has ended. We talked. And hugged. And the one that was most difficult to reach, who has been estranged from the entire family for 18 years accepted an invitation to come to my home next weekend. He even came out to the parking lot as I was about to drive away to make sure I knew the best route home.

My uncle's laughter is one of my favorite sounds of all time. It's brilliant and silly and mischievous and infectious. It is the sound of everything that was ever right and good in my family. And next weekend, his laughter will fill my home.

By Laura Young

A Stop On the Road of Life

With three kids, a business, a husband with a business, a house, a yard, and a very close extended family, my time is at a premium. This means I’m usually running as fast as I can to keep up with everything—and sometimes failing miserably in that endeavor. Recently I was caught between two major obligations, driving from one to the other, and late again.




In my mind I was ticking off all that had to be done when I got home: make supper, give the kids a bath, help with homework, straighten the house, lay out clothes for the morning, pay the bills, reconcile the bank statements… when suddenly the pickup in front of me put on his blinker and veered over to the empty lane beside us. I hit the brakes and then realized why he had stopped. A funeral procession.

Instantly although my first thought was, “Oh, no! I don’t have time for this!” I, too pulled to the side of the road, turned off my radio and stopped just as the policeman and the hearse passed. I looked beyond them to see how many cars with lights there were and realized I was going to be there for a while.

Turns out, I had no idea how long “a while” would be. Because the procession was actually coming around a corner up the road, I couldn’t actually see the whole thing, which could easily have been 200 cars or more. Nonetheless, as I sat there in silence, perspective began to fall around me. Here we on this side of the road were, living our lives, driving in the fast lane to get what we had to get done, seeming to have no time as it was, but when we needed to—out of courtesy or obligation—we stopped.

Life stopped so that we could all take a moment to recognize not only the grief of one family, but so that we could recognize that we, too, will one day be at the head of that funeral procession.

See, death and 24-hours, are the two great equalizers in this lifetime. We each have 24-hours to live our lives each day. You cannot buy more time. You cannot will more time. You cannot even strong-arm more time. You and the wino on the street have exactly the same amount of hours in ever day. The only difference is in how you choose to use that time. However, here is a sobering thought—you and the greatest doctor on the earth also have the same number of hours in each day. He has used his brilliantly. How have you used yours?

Death is our other greatest equalizer. No matter who you are, where you are from, who you know, or how much money you have, one day you, too, will be laid out and leading that procession. The question is, how long will your procession be?

As I watched this person’s procession, it became clear how this person had chosen to use those 24-hours a day that God had granted. Well. Very, very well indeed. The cars just kept coming and kept coming, rounding that bend and lining up until there was a mile of them, and they were still coming.

For one moment that day I stopped on my harried trek through life to really consider where I’m going on this road we call life, what it all means, and whether or not I’m head in the direction that I want to end up. Truth is, it was well worth the stop.

By Staci Stallings

Looking Out the Rear Window

The funeral rite concluded With the pastor shaking hands, Offering words of comfortI didn't quite understand.




The undertakers came forth And summoned pallbearers' four. They marched beside the coffin Carrying it steady toward the door.

I didn't cry or whimper As I followed right behind. But deep within I screamed Don't leave O Mother of mine.

Please don't go to the grave; Let's chat just one more time. Let's talk about the 'good old days' Don't leave, O Mother of mine."

But onward moved the casket Down the stairs to the limousine; With Mother laying incognizantOf my agonizing scream.

As we rode toward the ossuary Thoughts were swimming in my head; Why didn't the whole world stop?Didn't it know my Mother was dead?

But the world kept 'bout its business And within I felt so sad,' Cause my Mother didn't get the honorI thought she should have had.

As we drove into the cemetery I knew it wouldn't be long, Before I had to sing at lastMy final farewell song.

I stood at the gravesite Grief festering in my breast: Scriptures read, prayers prayed, Mother committed to eternal rest.

Looking out the car's rear window As we mutely drove away; I saw a heavenly angel fly To where my Mother lay.

Then I knew that all was well, That Mother was just fine. That I would live and grow and serveUntil, alas, my time.

Thank you Lord for reassuring me That the grave is not the end. That Mother is patiently waiting for me Just around life's toilsome bend.

But now there's work I must perform That no one else can do; Some hurting, aching souls to soothe, Broken dreams to help renew.

And in the process of reaching out To brighten someone's day; I sense way deep within myself, That I too will be okay.

By Saundra L. Washington

Such Love Transforms

Everything was arranged: once the funeral was over, all were to go to Hephzibah's house for the after-funeral dinner. It was the way things were done in Nain, typical of the customs followed by citizens of the Jewish towns of the Galilee.




Two hired mourners led the way. One played a dirge on his flute; the other wailed. The town rabbi came next, rehearsing to himself the kaddish, the graveside prayer. Two men followed close behind, bearing on a stretcher the body of a boy, only lately relieved from the fever that had stolen away his life.

Beside the stretcher his mother blindly stumbled in inconsolable grief, guided only by occasional nudges from the stretcher. The townspeople were next, whispering to each other, "Could anything worse have happened to this poor widow? Her only son!"

At first, no one noticed the Stranger. He had intercepted the procession. Boldly He stepped forward and blocked the widow's way. Surprised, she looked up, and instantly the Nazarene caught her tear-filled eyes in His gaze.

"Don't be afraid," He said. Somehow she sensed that He felt her sorrow, not as a stranger, but as a kinsman. He made Himself unclean when He touched the stretcher, something only a close relative would do. Everyone froze, even the mourners fell silent. He said, “Young man, I tell you, get up!" Before anyone could scold or accuse, the boy sat up and rubbed his eyes, as if awakening from a nap.

Who could keep from weeping for joy and praising God? The funeral procession became a triumphant parade, and Hephzibah's funeral dinner became a celebration banquet. Once more the Master had comforted the brokenhearted, resurrected the dead, and unexpectedly changed mourning into laughter.

The good news is: He still brings celebration with Him wherever He goes. He wants to become your kinsman even now. Today His touch still means new life. Even the flutist changed his tune. You will too.

By Steve Singleton

The Hypogeum of Malta - A Great Underground Burial Chamber

The Hypogeum is a series of underground chambers carved from the living rock and it constitutes a great burial complex which although it might remind one of the famous tomb fronts of Petra in Jordan, it is in actual fact over 3,000 years earlier. The Hypogeum has three main levels – Upper, Middle, and Lower levels and in all, the underground cemetery covers an area of about 500 square metres. The Lower and Middle Levels are entirely carved out of rock using antler or wooden picks and stone hammers since metal tools are not known to have existed at that time. Ceramic remains suggest that the site may have been used as early as 4000 BC. The book Malta Before History published my Miranda Publishers gives a detailed account of the discovery of the Hypogeum and its history.




Malta Before History

An archaeological, academic and pictorial analysis of Malta's pre-history embodied in the oldest freestanding stone buildings in the world on the Mediterranean islands of Malta and Gozo.

Malta Before History explores the stone structures, known locally as 'the temples' that are older than the pyramids in Egypt, the sites of Mesopotamia and Stonehenge in England. This unique publication, with a foreword by renowned historian Lord Colin Renfrew, brings the Maltese Islands to the attention of new generations of historians and academics as well as readers and travellers who enjoy the uniqueness of history and have never before discovered Malta was the home of such superb ancient sites.

To quote Lord Renfrew, 'something exceptional took place in Malta more than 5,000 years ago and there is nowhere else in the world that can boast of great stone monuments at so early a date'. Two of the locations examined in this publication, the megalithic temples and the Saflieni Hypogeum were declared World Heritage Sites by UNESCO in 1980.

Extraordinary facts unfold about the mysterious origins of prehistoric Maltese man and how he constructed such unmatched architecture. Chapters include studies on The Building of Megalithic Malta and The Bronze Age as well as the enigma of the Cart Ruts and whether the 'Fat Lady' was really a god or a goddess. Equally important is a chapter showing how recent radiocarbon dating has proved that Malta's prehistory and its standing stone monuments are much older than archaeologists had first assumed. Authors include David Trump, Anthony Pace, Anthony Bonanno, Ann Monsarrat, Daniel Clarke, Michael Hughes Clarke, Alex Torpiano, Frank Ventura, Reuben Grima and Richard England.

By Elizabeth Camilleri