How to deal with family conflicts at funerals

Having a death in the family is never easy. Over the grief and the sorrow at the loss of a loved one, sometimes unscrupulous family members try to take advantage of the weakness of the close family of the deceased to wash some dirty laundry or even gain material advantage. When life insurance, material property and liquidities are involved, sometimes unfortunate things can happen, especially if the amounts are high. How do you, as a close family member, deal with those people who try to take advantage of the situation either to start conflicts or to gain money out of the succession?


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Let us not be hasty. Not all people do these kinds of things on purpose, actually only a few very actually have evil intentions. Most people who become hard to deal with after someone’s death are only so because of grief. Focusing on the material things or in conflicts latent in the family makes them forget about their grief. However, for others who are trying to heal, it is not easy to be around them.

For those asking about the succession during the funeral, there is only one thing to do. Remain calm and polite, and tell them that you are grieving and that the succession hasn’t been settled yet. Let them know that as soon as you have any news, you will let them know. Some people will ask directly if they are in the will, while others might be more manipulative; do not let either take advantage of your grief for monetary gain. In any case, you should always have a lawyer or a notary deal with the succession and contact family members; it takes the responsibility off your shoulders and lets you tell relatives that you are not taking care of it yourself. Also, if a competent legal representative is taking care of these things, they might be discouraged to manipulate or steal money that is not theirs.

At the funeral and ceremonies there are also those gossip-mongers who can’t help but discuss things about the deceased. They are often distant family members who did not know the deceased much, but it can also happen with close family, especially if they were having conflicts with the deceased. If you hear them yourself, you can approach them and tell them that this is not the place nor the time to discuss these things, that it is disrespectful. Usually people stop at this point, but if they continue, just ignore them. You did all you could, and some people just can’t help themselves. Do not add anger and resentment towards family over your own grief.

Most situations can be handled with politeness and common sense, but sometimes you might need to completely cut ties with some people in order to remain sane. Never feel bad about doing so. Your mental health is more important than you enabling those people to take advantage of your weakened situation. Always do what you feel is right for yourself, and you won’t need to fight for the life insurance and succession with teeth and nails.