By Tim Connor
No one is immune in life to the sting of death of someone close to them. Sooner or later we all lose a loved one. This book is not about preparing for the death of someone close, the psychology of dying or coping with your loss. It is about life and all those moments and memories that you have left – before it, too, is your turn to pass from this world to the next.
Photo: chgs.umn.edu
Writing about the value of life after having lost my father recently and my mother last year might seem odd to some of you. But I can share with you that a few weeks ago, as I was driving from Charlotte to Cincinnati for my father’s funeral, the idea struck me to write this book. Was it a delayed message from my dad since I was not at his side when he passed away? Or was it me facing my own mortality as I head toward sixty this year? Don’t have a clue, folks. However, I know I felt this inner pull to write something that could be their legacy.
My dad was a great writer, but never wrote a book. He was a great orator and never gave a paid speech. Simply put, he was a great man who left behind so little and yet so much.
My mom was an accomplished seamstress, chef, gardener, bridge player, furniture re-upholsterer, artist – but her legacy in my life is not the meals she cooked or the roses she grew, but the fact that in her later life she demonstrated more courage than any human I have ever known. She suffered numerous ailments – from cancer to dementia – and she fought back again and again until her last breath.
My dad’s funeral lasted for only about an hour, but his life lasted for 87 years. What more fitting way to salute him and my mom than to share with you some of the lessons they taught me the past 60 years about life and all of its disappointment and promise.
If you have ever lost a loved one, I can feel your pain and your sadness as I write these words.
During my life, I have been one of the fortunate ones. I have lost to death only three people who were close to me - my mother, my father and a friend.
There is this tremendous sense of loss. Memories that can never be shared again… Experiences you will never be able to tell them about… Laughter that is gone… Love that is gone… Friendship that is gone… Nothing but this emptiness and sadness in your heart.
When a loved one passes away – whether too soon as a young child, or later during the prime of life, or old as a grandparent living to the ripe old age of 95 – the hole in your heart is the same. We miss what could have been and will never be again.
Why does death hurt the living so much? Why do we grieve for our loved ones who have gone to a better place?
Our grieving is often selfishness. We feel cheated, left behind or alone. Why did they leave us? Why did they do this to us? I cannot explain or rationalize the death of a young child because of a drunk driver or murderer running rampant through the halls of some high school or public place. I cannot understand why cancer takes the dear souls in our life, while drug pushers and financial scoundrels might get off scot-free. I can only tell you that there must be a reason. It may be too difficult for me to comprehend with my limited spiritual wisdom. My pain and confusion may occur because perhaps I have not yet come to totally believe in God’s master plan for salvation. I only know the pain is real.
Do not hide behind a fake smile. Send your departed loved ones your love and forgiveness. And then, move on. Yes, without them. You see, I believe my mother and father will always be with me because they both have a special place in my heart and my mind where each of them etched their lessons, personalities, love and dreams forever on the patchwork of my being. Our loved ones are not gone, just absent for a time. This book is about keeping the memory of your departed loved ones alive and active in your actions, decisions, beliefs and values. It is not about staying stuck in the past or agonizing over what will never be. It is about you, your life and your NOW and your future.
Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at http://www.timconnor.com/.
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