Tell children about dead

We should not believe that children do not understand death. They are aware of both their own and other people's mortality. Consequently, we should never lie to children about death. Their necessities are similar to those described in our chapter 'Human Needs'. The only differences are caused by the fact that they are emotionally less mature than adults.


Photo: Jake Matthews

Helping Children Cope With Death
by Tiffany Provost

Death is never easy to cope with, but it is very hard for kids. There are many ways in which you can help your child cope with the loss of someone close to them. Here are tips on how to discuss death with your young child.

Be forthright. Children are more capable of understanding and accepting death than many might think. It's not necessary to "sugar-coat" the truth. Try telling them exactly what happened, that Grandpa died, instead of using terms such as 'passed on', 'departed', or 'went to heaven'. You should say the correct term, "death", to avoid confusing the youngster. You must use the right terminology so that the child understands what death is.


Photo: SammyJ1020

Practice the skill of careful listening. After a child learns that a loved one has died, it is important that you make yourself available to listen to his or her thoughts and feelings. It may take some time before children are ready to discuss their losses. Eventually, they will want to share their feelings with you, and you need to be prepared for this.

Tell the truth. Honesty and straight answers are necessary when the right time comes to discuss death with your children. Often for youngsters the first time they deal with a death is very baffling. They will ask about the reason the person departed, the reason for death, and what will happen next. Once more, don't turn the question into something trivial by giving back some kind of a pat answer. A child will easily understand the meaning of death if you approach the subject with analogies that are simple to understand. You shouldn't go overboard with details, yet provide them with sufficient information to put their mind at ease (be sure that the child's age is taken into consideration before deciding about the details you will reveal about death). This is a challenge they will have for life, so it's best if they understand death now. It is possible to be of assistance by providing useful answers.

Assist the child in the grieving process. After the child learns what has happened to her loved one, she will sob in her own way. Right now you need to just let her feel comfortable and express her feelings as she sees fit. Some children will show their emotions through creating illustrations. Some kids might write a story, talk, or even play a musical instrument to express their feelings. Do not disturb or guide a child when it is trying to express grief. It is healthy if it is left up to them.


Photo: AL Gator

Allow the child to decide whether or not to attend the funeral. She may not be comfortable attending the funeral (or other family customs that mark the passing of a close person). It ought to be up to her whether to attend or not. Help the child to decide by explaining why it's important for everyone to have a funeral and what actually occurs at a funeral. Children will feel comfortable attending the funeral if they realize that it is a way to honor a loved one's life. While you may have to talk the child into accompanying you, a funeral can actually help your child come to terms with the death of someone who they were close to.

Tiffany Provost writes about dealing with grief and family and relationships tips for HowToDoThings.com.

Planning Funeral Arrangements

Funeral planning is a difficult process involving emotional stress, financial decision making and uncertainty. You may have a clear idea of your wishes, or you may want to seek the guidance of family, clergy, or some other adviser, in addition to a funeral director, in making your decisions. Without some guidance, the options and information surrounding funerals and arrangement planning can seem overwhelming at an already complicated time. If you want to ensure that your wishes are carried out, and are comfortable doing so, you and your loved ones can plan for your funeral and body disposition while you are still healthy enough to participate.


Photo: craptastic

Some Helpful Tips on Planning Funeral Arrangements

Planning funeral arrangements are never easy, as it involves pain, mourning after the loss and the discomfort of preparing for the family and loved ones left behind. In this article, I will share some tips regarding funeral arrangements and some facts, too.

1. As death takes place in the family, the primary instinct of most people is to call their family doctor. True enough, the family physician (or any alternative if necessary) would be in service of, and confirm the fact of death, and will then complete the death certificate if required.
2. Bear in mind that when it comes to funeral arrangements, there are 2 reasons why funerals are necessary and imperative. The first one is for technical reasons. It also enables that the body is cremated or officially buried. Then, the second reason is that it helps the family adjust to death. More importantly, to remember that funerals are actually for the living and not for the dead.
3. Funeral arrangements also include floral tributes which could either be delivered to the residence or the funeral home. If sent to the latter, the cards are detached from the floral tributes and must be given to the family to recognize who sent the tributes. On the other hand, if they are delivered to the residence, normally, a tiny vase or a flower pot displaying an individual's continuous empathy and compassion for the family and the ones left behind is suggested.
   
   The florist also sets an identification card on the floral tribute.
4. Take note that in funeral arrangements, additional funeral services could also involve other preparations of the body, embalming and the transfer of the remains from the place of death to the funeral home. Also, some equipment and services can comprise the use of the flower car and the hearse, the funeral ceremony and many others.
5. When you have a friend who is mourning over the loss of a loved one, if you want to help, it also means that you too, as a friend would share some of the pain and sorrow.
   
   You can help and support your friend by assisting in funeral arrangements. A good time to visit a mourning friend is after about 1 or 2 weeks. It is highly essential to keep up constant correspondence with your pal two to three months after the loss. This kind of understanding and compassion involve a special kind of bonding and friendship. Your friend also needs you to share, cry, talk, bring to mind the pain, the loss, or whatever experiences or sentiments or even just to sit side-by-side in complete silence with you. It's your presence or "being there" quality that counts.
6. The children must also be given the chance to attend funerals-especially that of the family and close relatives. Nevertheless, kids must not be forced to go. It's always supportive that it should be explained what to expect at this kind of event before the child is requested to settle on if they like to partake in the experience.

Photo: A Different Perspective

The author of this article Amy Twain is a Self Improvement Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Amy recently published a new home study course on how to boost your Self Esteem overnight. More info about this "Quick-Action Plan for A More Confident You" is available at http://www.fabulousselfesteem.com/.

Purchase the Funeral Casket

Planning a funeral can be a very difficult task, especially considering the circumstances. When something as tragic as a family member or friend passes away, the last thing you want to deal with is planning the funeral.

Where Can a Funeral Casket be Purchased?
By Aiken Smith

When an individual passes away, they are generally buried in a casket. Funeral caskets can be purchased directly from the casket makers or from a funeral home.

Typically individuals purchase a casket from a funeral home. Funeral homes, also commonly referred to as funeral parlors, are designed to help families cope and arrange a memorial service for their deceased loved one. Depending on the selected funeral home, many offer assistance for all of the planning stages. This may also include selecting a casket.

A funeral home may offer a wide selection of funeral caskets. Many locations will have their selection on hand for viewing or in a catalog display. Depending on the number of caskets available, there is usually a wide selection to choose from. Funeral caskets are made from various different materials. They can also come with many different designs or artwork, if preferred. For example, a casket could have crosses, hearts, angels, or other peaceful or religious ark work carved in. There are also caskets that come with detachable pieces, allowing family members to keep this as a memento.

Funeral caskets are important because they will be seen at memorial services. The deceased individual will be buried in it and it will be the last memory that many friends and family will have of the deceased. Selecting a funeral casket is a decision that many family members must all agree on.




Another common place to purchase a casket is directly from the maker. This is often done if a casket needs to be custom made or personalized. Funeral homes also purchase caskets from the manufacture. Since they will generally purchase a large amount of caskets at one time, they are typically given a wholesale casket price. This means that they will be purchasing their caskets at a price lower than normal. By purchasing a wholesale casket lot, many funeral homes are able to offer their quality caskets a reasonable prices to their customers.

A customized funeral casket directly from the maker will likely have to be ordered in advance. It is not uncommon for individuals to make burial arrangements ahead of time, especially if they are sick. More and more elderly individuals are trying to plan out their funerals and other final expenses. This is done to help relive the financial burden on remaining family members. Although it is typically common to order a customized casket in advance, there are many casket makers who will rush an order. This feature is nice; however, it will likely cost a large amount of additional money.

No matter when a casket is purchased, there are great deals available on quality funeral caskets. Although it is a difficult decision for family members, there are many who are selecting a casket based solely on price. Thanks to wholesale casket companies, many funeral homes are able to offer their fine caskets at discounted prices. Finding the perfect casket may be expensive, stressful, or time consuming task, but it can be one of the most important decisions in an individualís life.

http://www.funeralmarket.com/cas_history.php = Aiken Smith is a writer for Funeral Market where you can find burial urns and funeral caskets of high quality at discount prices.

Sagada hanging coffins

On the way to Ambasing, one of Sagada's 19 barangays, limestone karts cliffs dotted with pine trees dominate the landscape as seen in the this photograph. On these cliffs, perched precariously on a wedge, four or five coffins are arranged in a pile. The oldest one is more than a century old; the latest addition was put into place decades ago. It belonged to a lady from Demang (another Sagada barangay) who happens to be a great-aunt of this webmaster.



In similar places around Sagada, one may find these "hanging" coffins. They are usually in groups, some neatly piled, others randomly stacked. All found in places seemingly impossible to reach. Places that can be touched only by mother nature.

These hanging coffins will be there for as long as the elements would allow them. They're precious tokens from a fabled past... adding mystic to an already mystifying place.


Photo: Inkblots™

The coffins are found in places that are difficult to reach and only touched by the elements of nature. The coffins are made by the elderly before their demise. If they are weak of suffering from major ailments their children or other close relatives undertake the work of building the coffin.

The practice entails placing the bodies into a comfortable position of the coffin. Bones are often cracked and broken with the completion of the process. After the dead bodies are put inside the coffins, they are brought to the cliffs and are kept near the coffins of their ancestors. Make sure that you have a guide, as the roads are often difficult to traverse. Tourists have also taken some of the remains as souvenirs.

source: sagada-igorot.com, asiarooms.com

The Funeral costs

The funeral costs vary greatly from one funeral director to another. Because it is always good for multiple quotes to compare costs and funeral services. In general, funeral directors can price all the costs. Make funeral arrangements, a complex mixture of emotions for most of us. Many funeral directors or funeral directors in the way you can tell a perfectly legitimate buried in many options by prices.

Deeper Down Deeper in Debt - Funerals
By Kacy Carr

The last goodbye at a funeral leaves you reminiscing about the good times, also leaving a trail of fond memories of the dearly departed. But after a funeral you find that it can also leave a huge debt hanging over your head.


Photo: Chuckumentary

The cost to bury a loved one can run into the thousands for a decent burial? What is a decent burial? What is the difference between decent and not so decent? The mind boggles.

For that extra few bob does the coffin of the decent funeral have a more highly polished finish. Does the deceased have more words said at the service? Well let me tell you a little secret. Blurred vision/bloodshot eyes hamper the sight of the congregation, with all the crying it is hard to focus on any casket.

Words spoken at the mass are rarely heard. Too many other thoughts overpower the emotional sentiments, and one is worry on how the bill is going to be paid. This is not the day for extravagance; imagine going to the theatre to watch a show but the curtains never open, so what is the point for all that expense.

Decent and the not so decent goodbye
Mourners are there to share in your sorrow not to pass judgment on how many brass handles surround the coffin or what hymns are sung.

With not knowing the mechanics behind a funeral, many families find themselves in a financial situation where they are faced with the heartache of trying to make ends meet.

In their time of grief, the best of everything is chosen for their dearly departed which comes at a price that seems affordable at the time, till reality sets in where the departed was the breadwinner.

Life insurance is a necessity while in the land of the living; it can help lighten the load for those left behind after a bereavement

Unfortunately we have all experienced a loss at some time in our lives but should you be unfortunate enough at this present time be going through the experience of losing someone you love, why not call a friend or member of the family to act on your behalf in arranging the funeral? This will be less of a burden for you to cope with, while you adapt yourself in coming to terms with the death

Consider cutting funeral costs by

Less brass/save cash

Have the service shortened.

Funeral cars settle for 1, the hearse.

A family get together at the house, no big wake.

A small posy says farewell just the same as any wreath.

It is how you say goodbye that matters, silent thoughts and memories can give the dearly departed the best send off ever.

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It is very hard to come to terms with losing someone close, believe me I know. People handle grief in different ways. Do you need to talk if you feel you need counselling check my information page at http://www.benidormbeaches.com

Send online Gift for this Valentine's Day

This Valentine’s Day, amaze and entice your partner with a gift so romantic and exotic, the excitement starts before the box is even opened. Imagine the anticipation on his/her face when a box arrives directly from Provence, France with the name zChocolat.com affixed! But the fun is just beginning because no matter which of our tantalizing Valentines you select, it will unquestionably exceed their most expectant imaginings.




There are many choices when you want to send Valentine gifts. Roses are always a favorite but you might want to choose tulips, lilies, orchids or a stunning combination of exotic flowers and chocolate or candy. Nowadays, flashy and ostentatious gifts are the priorities for the day, anyway this in no way undermines the significance of flowers.

Most popular gift for Valentine's Day are flowers, chocolate and cards. Flowers have symbolized the essence of the day. On this special day, whether it is a single flower or a garland, the sole expression reflected is the message of love. Roses are the ultimate romantic flower, and the most popular present for Valentine’s Day. White roses are for love, red roses are for passion, and yellow roses are for friendship. Lilac roses are the choice to symbolize love at first sight.




Red Roses signify passion or strength of feeling, yellow roses stand for love, and white roses traditionally reflect innocence. A dozen red roses are considered to be a gift of love, while a single long stemmed red rose is usually seen as a passionate gift. You can also send Valentine flowers to your parents, grandparents, favorite aunt or uncle or even the kids. It is the perfect time to remember the people you love. Valentine flowers will brighten the day for those residing in care facilities. It’s a good time to thank people, too. Think about all the people in your life that you would like to thank. Maybe it’s a coworker or boss, special friend or teacher.

Life After Death

Are there live after death? I think nobody can't talk to me or not believe. I'm not sure about this, because never seen before.

Life After Death - How To Cope With The Death Of A Spouse
By Dave Pipitone

Believing in life after death offers a powerful and effective way to deal with the loss of your spouse. The death of a spouse is the hardest thing you will ever deal with in life.


Photo: yinvsyang.com

During and after the funeral, there seems to be an endless stream of tears, sleepless nights and sickness in the pit of your stomach. You wonder how you will ever go on without being able to touch, laugh with or talk to that person again.

While a period of mourning is normal, you may find that you have lost your appetite for weeks, you find yourself listless and unable to get out of bed, you are slowly withdrawing from friends and family, and the weight on your heart does not seem to go away.

These signs may signal serious depression. Before this sadness changes your personality in unimaginable ways, seek out support and help. After all, you should not die, prematurely, with your loved one. You are still here for a reason.

Your friends and family can create a tremendous support net for you following the death and funeral of a spouse. Some people instinctively withdraw from others in their time of loss. This can be hard for the comforters to understand, especially if you grieving the loss of a spouse.

Be aware that people will genuinely want to comfort you, they want you to come to them for an embrace or to talk about your feelings. The hardest part is feeling shut out and helpless. While it may not be the first thing on your mind or a natural tendency, when you are ready, accept the help of those around.

Open up to them by trying to recall fond memories of the person who has died. Sometimes there need not be any conversation at all, as the power of a hug is incredible at bolstering emotional strength. Even if you are not a person who likes hugs, receiving the embrace of another person is a gift of love.

In some cases, after the funeral or memorial service is over, family and friends are not enough. This is especially true when your spouse dies. A major loss can affect you psychologically over time if not dealt with properly. Feelings of guilt may arise and the death of a spouse can feel like a part of you has died as well. Mourning can quickly turn to guilt complexes, depression or other mental illnesses.

After a wake, funeral and burial service, seek out a support system. Find others who are grieving as much as you - or even more than you - and bond together. Churches offer a connection to support groups of widows and widowers like Joyful Again.

Make arrangements to meet for lunch. Take trips to the grave site together or flip through old photo albums. Carry a card that reminds you that your spouse is still alive with God. The death of a beloved wife or husband can be traumatizing, more so than you initially realize, so it's important to deal with your feelings in a healthy manner.

Believe in life after death. Make time to pray and ask for peace for your deceased spouse and ask for his or her prayers for you. It's comforting to know you are not alone in your grief.

To remember how your deceased spouse is connected to God and you, use an inspirational memorial poem. Visit My 3 Strands.com.

Pass on Family Tradition

How to Effectively Pass on Family Tradition - FamilyVision Column
By Daryl Green

“By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion. There on the poplars we hung our harps, for there our captors asked us for songs, our tormentors demanded songs of joy; they said, ‘Sing us one of the songs of Zion!’ How can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign land?”
Psalms 137:1-4

Photo: lifepath.eons.com

Our family is filled with sadness due to the death of the last matriarch of our clan. Why do I feel that something is missing? I can remember all the family history and traditions that were passed along. Who will tell the children those outlandish stories? Do you remember the story about walking through snow going to school? Family history is something most people take for granted. Who keeps up with your history?

Most family history is verbal. It’s handed down from generation to generation. No one wants to admit that his or her favorite relative will die someday. Most families expect the next generation to do better (education, wealth, leadership, etc.). These expectations can scare us because we don’t want to be responsible for any setbacks. Well, to be honest, this frightens me.

Several years ago, I spoke at my father’s funeral. I could not hold back the tears. God had given me a great mentor to guide me through manhood; God was now taking him back. My dad had achieved so much despite his lack of a formal education. He had set a standard for me…my measuring stick. I felt my father’s shoes were too large to fill; however, I could not hide from my responsibility. It was my turn. Would I falter under the pressure? Passing the family’s collective experience to the next generation is a necessary part of building strong leadership within families.

How can families preserve this rich knowledge base? Who is going to remind us of the old ways? Read the newspaper and you’ll find youth on the rampage. Many want to point fingers--media, society, movies, and ill-equipped parents. Society needs to find answers to help this young generation. Let’s use one of our greatest treasures, our seniors. Age doesn’t always translate into wisdom, however.

You shouldn’t follow some person just because of his age, but look at that person’s life. Look to individuals who have a proven track record. Today’s parents complain about the pressures and costs of raising children. Older parents (some with ten or more children and less money) managed, however, to educate their children with no government assistance. As we enter this new millennium, we cannot afford to reject the wisdom from past generations. Here are some suggestions:

Use senior citizens in mentoring young people with their expertise.
Encourage seniors to write their stories and experiences for the next generation.
Visit a nursing home and discover all the wisdom there.
Conduct videotape interviews with seniors for your church/community archive.
Submit articles to news editors relating to seniors in your community.

Knowledge is wasted if it isn’t used correctly. Why make the same mistakes, over and over? Take heed from the wisdom that’s all around you. Build on the previous generations by avoiding the same traps. We must preserve our heritage and legacy. It is a responsibility we must all bear. If you don’t preserve this rich history, don’t expect anyone else to care about your own generation. Give future generations that corporate knowledge that exists now. Start today.

Daryl and Estraletta Green provide personal advice all around the country. Daryl is the author of two books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. They have been noted and quoted in such media organizations such as USA Today, NBC’s Alive at Five, Heaven 600, Answerline, American Urban Radio, The Bev Smith Show, The Hallerin Hill Show, Ebony Magazine, and BET’s Buy the Book. The Green’s nationally syndicated column, FamilyVision, reached 200 newspapers and over 12 million readers.

To get a free one hour personal coaching session, you can contact them at http://www.darylandestraletta.com/

Funeral Pre-Planning

Funeral Pre-Planning and Asset Organization
By Adam Tarr

Most people understand the importance of having a living will, but nowadays more and more people are finding out about the benefits of doing further pre-planning. The thought of planning your own funeral and even writing your own obituary may initially come across as creepy, but after taking a second look it is often a meaningful and helpful process.



Photo: valleyoflife.com

The people you leave behind are the ones that benefit most from funeral pre-planning and asset organization. Your loved ones have enough stress and sadness to deal with after you pass that they do not need additional tasks. Funeral pre-planning is a simple way of removing tough decisions from your loved ones responsibilities. By picking out a funeral home, addressing how you would like the service to go, and even writing your own obituary you make life easier on everyone you leave behind. Further, by organizing your assets in advance your next of kin will be able to carry out your will without having to sort through endless financial records. Most people think these things are covered in a will, but in truth the will is an instructive document and offers little help in organization or even finding where one's assets are located. Besides helping loved ones after you pass, funeral pre-planning can help you get organized yourself even if you expect to live many more decades. For those people with a serious illness it becomes even more important, and for some people it helps them gain a sense of closure.

The good news is that as pre-planning has becomes more popular, there are increasing ways to handle the process. Some of the most common ways are presented below:

Have your attorney keep a separate document with your will that works as a table of contents. It would list all of your assets and any pertinent information about them. There could also be a document that has your wishes for the funeral. The only issue here is that as your wishes or assets change you will have to update them. This may require fees depending on your attorney.

Another option is to keep these asset lists and funeral wishes in a safety deposit box where you can update them as needed. Just be sure someone knows to go to the safety deposit box shortly after you pass away.

Some funeral homes will allow people to come in and pre-plan their funeral. This has the benefit of having all of your wishes already with the company that will be carrying them out. The problem is that the funeral home will most likely not help you with asset organization.

Another popular option is to join a website that not only stores your information but also helps you organize. Usually there is a one-time fee that allows the user to input their funeral wishes as well as organize all of their assets. The member can then go back in and update things as often as they like at no additional charge. When the member dies, the death is verified before the information is released to the people you have selected to carry out your wishes. Here security and ease of use are of utmost importance.

No matter what method you chose the key is to start early and include as much information as you can. If you wait to long you will eventually keep putting it off until you forget completely and it is too late. As far as what information to write down, try to imagine being on the other end and having to decipher through all of someone’s assets. If a piece of information would make that job easier, it should be included. Each asset should have a location, estimated value, account or policy number, etc. For funeral wishes, requests should be simple and to the point so there is no confusion. Some attorneys may have templates to make the job easier. The websites mentioned above also have these templates that can make the job easier.

beRemembered.org - leave messages for loved ones and online funeral pre-planning. http://www.beremembered.org/
Reprint Permissions: Author's articles may be reprinted or reused as long as (1) articles are printed in their entirety, without changes; and (2) all reprints include the author's bio line, with a link to the author's website, as above.
The above article is the writer's opinion and no claims are made for its accuracy.

Restraint one's mind for Untimely Death

We are not dealing with a body of legislation. We do not have to figure out under which clauses and subparagraphs our lives fall. We don’t have to worry that someone will go to heaven or to hell on a technicality. We worship a living and loving God, not an impersonal book of legislation.

Untimely Death Can Inspire New Life
By Mary Gardner

Two young men, at opposite ends of the country, gone. Both were complete champions in life, the type that everyone loved to be around, they were the type that were successful at everything they did, and were champions in their sports and in their hobbies. Both of their deaths, shook the very core of the communities in which they lived, and now the parents, and their friends are left trying to piece their lives back together.


Photo: dailymail.co.uk

These two young men have transformed my life. I’ve learned more from their deaths about how we are supposed to live, than any other event that has occurred to me in a long time.

One of them, Nathan Timmes, was a 20 year old Eagle Scout, and the nephew of a high school friend, was a motorcycle racer, mountain climber, pilot, sky diver, white water rafting exciting young man who was studying aviation in college. He died earlier this year in a car accident. This young man lived his life completely fully. He did everything by giving 100%. He loved his friends, his hobbies and his family with complete intensity. At the funeral, they displayed dozens of pictures of him on top of mountains, jumping out of planes, on motorcycles, with his friends, always experiencing out door adventure, above everything, he lived without fear, and always, loving life. To remind me of how I should live every day, I’ve kept his picture from the funeral on my bulletin board. This young boys’ life, which I found out by because of his death, transformed me.

The other boy, Dan Lunger, the son of a high school friend, was a state champion swimmer who had just made junior nationals. He was also an eagle scout, and the type of person that loved life as much as anyone could. His dad, Howard told me on the phone from Colorado yesterday, that his son had experienced true love, the gift of friendship, the gift of being a champion and that he wasn’t afraid to give his dad a hug in front of his buddies. At the funeral, dozens of kids who knew this boy Dan, went up to his parents and told them story after story of how friendly Dan always was and how he always took time to say Hi and to care about everyone, even if they weren’t in his circle of friends. He attracted the “Jocks to the Goths”, and everyone, everywhere, was touched by his zest for life. This 16 year old boy, who I never met, has affected my life in ways I never knew he could.

Yesterday, I spent 45 minutes on the phone with my friend Howard, and as he told me the stories of his son Dan, and how an undetected heart ailment stole his young life within minutes. While on the phone and hearing the tragic story, I got a glimpse of his extraordinary life in Colorado. Howard told me how many, many lives were touched by just a friendly “hello” every day, or by the easy attitude he had about his grades, or even about his sport that he loved, swimming. Dan didn’t get weighed down by the normal stresses of life, and he attempted to bring a friendly conversation or a little comfort to whoever he met, whether it be in class, or at a swim meet with his biggest competitor.

I don’t know if the parents of these boys will ever understand how God could allow their incredible young lives to end so suddenly. It’s got to be the most painful thing in the world to see your child die. But both families, somehow, were given amazing grace, to stand up and speak with each person who told them of how their son personally effected their lives.

My friend Howard told me that no one will ever get a true glimpse of a person’s life, until they die. People that he’d never met came to the funeral to share their stories of Dan and his life and what he meant to others. Over and over, Howard and his wife were just stunned of the impact that their 16 year old had on others. He lived the way we’re supposed to live.

When I think about my life, of how I’ve worried about the smallest things, or have obsessed over my career, or about the car I drive or the clothes I wear, I realize that I’m wasting my precious energy. I believe that God has us here on earth, to love others. Period. That’s our job. We are to do that through our work, and by being a good neighbor, by being a devoted wife, mother, friend, spouse, sister, brother, or whatever the different roles that we play. It’s the people that are important. It’s the people’s lives that we touch that are important. We are supposed to live life fully, by going out and experiencing it and not being fearful of it. We’re supposed to support one another, to we are supposed to tell others that we care for them. We are supposed to love our neighbors as our selves, and we are supposed to love and serve God above all else. To me, that means to serve Him by serving others. It means that my attitude at all times, is the most important thing going on at the moment. If I encounter a stressful moment, the most important thing is the attitude of peace and comfort that should accompany that stressful moment.

None of us are promised another day. A car accident or an undetected heart problem or something else could take us from the earth on this very day. And what would the streams of people say at our funerals? Would they say that we were well loved and always seemed to bring comfort or a kind word to others, or would they say simply to the survivors, “I’m sorry for your loss?”

How are we affecting the people we meet each day? Are we meeting others with a smile and a kind word, or with a stressful glance as we hurry on by. Are we taking the time to share with people or are we too busy to care? Are we saying “I love you” to our friends and families when we walk away or hang up the phone? Or are we consumed with how much extra weight we’re carrying around or what outfit to wear to an upcoming reunion?

I’ve been guilty of having the wrong attitude and have focused on the wrong things. But I see these two young mens’ lives, and now deeply understand the truth about my own life. We all have a purpose. We’re here to love, and to serve. Through our serving others, we glorify God, and by sharing ourselves deeply with others we give each other comfort. God uses us to help others, and we in turn are inspired by others. We’re all connected. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Today, these two young men, continue to live on in our hearts and minds. Their lives gave love to many when they lived, and in their death, they give hope. I pray that their families know that their lives served a great purpose, even in their deaths.

Their untimely deaths, inspired many to develop a new life. Their deaths encourage us to live a life without fear, and lives filled with adventure, fun, happy times, acceptance, calmness, friendship and love. It all seems so familiar now. It’s happened before, and perhaps this was a current day reminder. Two thousand years ago, God the Father, gave his Son, so that we might have a new life and that we might have it abundantly. It all makes sense to me now.

As we are reminded of their lives and deaths, we can chose to live our lives abundantly, and we, can be free.

Mary Gardner is an Executive Communications Consultant, Coach and Speaker. She can be reached at http://www.marygardner.com/