Saturday, March 31, 2007

MEET THE INCINERATOR - 60 minutes later

The incinerator is a fully automatic Diamond 2000EF single end cremator. There is no opportunity for Jackie to rest in peace. Violent destruction awaits her inside. The ultimate victory of thanatos - Freud's death principle - through the rapid and violent technological reduction of Jackie to her inorganic base. The cremator has two downward firing gas burners in its main chamber.


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Should Jackie prove difficult to finish off, these burners are designed to deal completely and effectively with difficult residue. The cremator also has an entry burner which will be used to eliminate smoke from Jackie's waste gases. This burner may also be used to break up her bones. The burners will get cremation chamber's temperature up to 850 degrees Centigrade before it swallows Jackie. Later on they will stop her from smoking and re-ignite her if her fire goes out during the closing stages of cremation. Since Jackie and her casket are good fuel (providing around 800,000 BTUs of heat) the burners don't need to ignite at any other time. Air to feed Jackie's fire comes from 18 jets, 9 at each side of the cremator, as well as through the main burners.

Friday, March 30, 2007

THE FINAL CURTAIN - 45 minutes later.

A few songs from the choir. A few Bible readings. But the crematorium is a busy place and Jackie's time is soon up. The minister says a few words about resurrection.

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He pushes a button and the curtains close around Jackie. If the Supreme Uncreated Being ever wants to resurrect her, there won't anything left of the original Jackie for Him to start from.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

ARRIVE AT THE CREMATORIUM

Jackie has been to crematoria many times in the past. She has watched the curtains close around the coffins of relatives. She has walked away in her sexy black sheer tights and sensible shoes while an uncle or friend has slipped out to his incineration.

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Today it's her turn to be in the coffin when the curtains close. This time she won't be leaving - except through the chimney.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Cremation: A step by step

What state will you be in after 10 minutes in the cremation retort? How about after 20 minutes or 30 minutes or one hour? Will you be all gone in 15 minutes or will parts of you survive in the furnace for a couple of hours?

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If you want answers to this macabre question this is the page for you. We will follow the stages of Jackie's cremation, but first, to get you in the mood, lets introduce the crematorium, and the incinerator.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

So you want to be cremated?

Now you know the facts, do you want to be cremated? You know it makes sense. By visiting the Virtual Crematorium page you can record your desire to go out in a big burn, and get a personalized idea of what your body's last few hours might be like.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The saddest cremation

There may be no recoverable remains from the cremation of an infant. This is because:
  1. Cremated remains are mainly calicified bone material and in a infant most of the bones have not fully developed.
  2. Also an infant's small size means that the force of either the burner or the airjets blows all remains away. Some crematoria put the infant casket into a stainless steel large pan to try to contain as much ash as possible. This procedure usually about yields 2 tablespoons of ash.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

What is left of you

You are 4 to 8 lbs of (mostly) bone material - calcium, phosphorus, and magnesium. Ground down into a form that be quickly broken down by bacteria and weathering in the environment. All that is left of you now will probably be grayish material - although you may be tinted due to copper in the jewelery cremated with you.


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You are now ready to be used and recycled by plants if that's what you want. You are easy to pour, store and t ransport. ...And you are easy to spill. But at least if someone spills you, they can quickly sweep or vacuum you up again.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Death's a grind

Once you have cooled down you will be poured into a machine called a cremulator. The cremulator resembles a small spin dryer. A drum slightly larger than a paint can sits inside. The operator closes the lid and hits a switch.

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Metal balls grind you into smaller and smaller particles. You are ground down to something with the texture of sand. You then drop through a perforated sieve into a metal pan below. It will take about 20 minutes to complete the processing of your ashes.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Magnetic Attraction

A powerful magnet will remove any metal from your ashes. Artificial joints and heart valves will be taken out and later buried in the crematorium grounds.

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Your silver and gold jewelry will have melted and fused with your ashes.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Cooling Off

Your remnants are now left to cool. Several of your bones will be clearly visible among the cooling chips and chunks. Perhaps a piece of hip. Perhaps an 8 -inch strip from your arm. Maybe a ball that once fitted your hip or shoulder.

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In fact, your entire skeleton will be there. Our bones are largely calcium, which burns only after lengthy exposure to temperatures much higher than those in the cremator.

Monday, March 19, 2007

In a fireplace

The operator opens the door of the cremator and vigorously rakes the silvery debris - all that remains of you - into a chute that leads down to a stainless steel bin.

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You make a clinking sound as you move - like embers being stirred in a fireplace. You now weigh between 4 and 8 pounds.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Raking Out

There are no flames at this stage, but the chamber bed glows orange. Small chunks of whitish- gray debris lie in the oven. Perhaps a particularly large clump sits about halfway back, just about where your hip was. You have been reduced to burnt bone fragments.

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

Times up

It could take between 45 minutes and 2 hours to cremate you. As I said fat bodies burn faster. Small bodies are quick because there is not a lot of fuel (that's us fuel for the furnace) to consume.

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Some furnaces are more powerful than others. Some burn human beings at a rate of 100 lbs an hour, for others it is 200 lbs an hour. (That means I'll take between 1 and 2 hours!)

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Cremation continues

Your cremation continues as your skeleton falls apart. At this point your spinal column, hips and skull will still be identifiable and some of your organs will remain.

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The main burner may get turned on to finish reducing you to lumps of calcium, or more high pressure air and the radiant heat stored in the brickwork may be enough to complete the process.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Burning organs

Your stomach will burn quite slowly, your lungs more slowly still. Your brain is especially resistant to complete combustion. Your liver and spleen will probably be the last organs burn because they are high in moisture.

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As your internal organs are consumed your spine will become visible and the temperature will drop to 1600 degrees F. In the words of one writer you will briefly be "an awesome sight: the magnificent structure of a human skeleton glowing".

Monday, March 12, 2007

Burning Down

As the tissue of your body is destroyed your skeleton is exposed. The bones in your hands and feet will appear first as they have less muscle and fat to cover them.

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In time your hands and feet will drop away from your arms and legs. The bones in your hands and feet stay united by their ligaments for a little while after this.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Keeping the neighbours warm

Heat from cremation furnaces in some Swedish crematories is absorbed into the city heating network. Neat idea, but it must feel a bit funny warming your toes on the heat generated by reducing someone to ashes.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Under Control

The whole of your cremation will be micro-processor controlled. The computer will make sure that your cremation is well under control, clean and fuel efficient. The operator will be checking your progress to ensure that the cremation is carried out safely.

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Saturday, March 03, 2007

Out of the chimney

You should be coming out of the chimney as steam and carbon dioxide. All ready to feed the plants that fed you. Unfortunately your cremation will produce lots of nasty pollutants too. Mercury (from your fillings), carbon monoxide, hydrogen chloride, and smoke.

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To keep you from polluting the environment the products of your cremation go into a second chamber where a secondary burner burns off any remaining gases and smoke particles. Your gases might even go through filter bags to clean them further. However, no system is perfect, you still might manage to puff brown smoke out of the chimney for a couple of minutes.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Who burns best?

Different people burn differently. If you thin without much fat, you will be more difficult to burn, since you are a mass of wet tissue. I have a moderate amount of fat, so will be much easier to cremate. My fat will ignite instantly on the application of flame and produce a great surge of heat.

If you are obese cremating you will be "like burning kerosene" (according to a cremation furnace manufacturer). I have read reports of fat from larger bodies actually running out the cremator door burning as it goes. The worst to burn are bodies that have died in fires as the charring makes a crust that doesn't ignite well or drowning victims because of the extreme water levels.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Explode during cremation

Silicon breast implants have been known to explode during cremation. So you could go out with quite a bang, although reports from Southern California say the silicone turned into a sticky goo on the floor of the cremator. On the other hand, a UK crematorium had no difficulties in a test it ran.